First, I would like to go on the record as saying that I believe that people should wash their clothes and be clean, but only if they choose to be around other people. If they are going to stay in their home all day and not be around anyone else, then it is obviously their decision. I pass no judgment on them. I see nothing wrong with anyone making a decision to lazily hang around the house; marinating in themselves. I do not judge you people; I salute you.
Most of us don’t have the luxury of living our lives on our laptops, being accountable only to our followers. We have to get up and leave the house. We have to go to our jobs, therefore, we have to be around people. What that means, hygienically speaking, is that we have to be clean.
This is where my wife, Yvonne likes to butt heads with me and attempt to sway me in my unmovable, inflexible, unyielding, sound, well thought-out, and rigidly held theory about the pants I wear. My theory is as follows:
A pair of pants can go several days, even weeks, yes weeks, plural, before needing to be put in the washer machine. I know many of you are making a face. You are cringing, and/or twitching at the thought of this. You would never consider this as an option, but I would ask that you at least give me a chance to explain to you people why you are all wrong.
The human body simply does not treat a pair of pants in the same fashion that it does other articles of clothing. I will give you some examples.
People perspire under their arms so it is necessary to wash a shirt before it is worn again. This is no secret. There are companies making millions because of our foul smelling underarm perspiration. Certainly all of us have smelled ourselves a time or two. Of course you also know what a dirty shirt smells like.
The, afore mentioned, could also be said about our feet. There is no smell like that of stinky feet. It is unmistakable and our socks get a front row seat at that funk show.
I don’t think I need to get into all the things that happen to our underwear. It should be clear enough.
Underarms destroy the condition of our shirts. Feet despoil the freshness of our socks. Other unmentionables wreak havoc on our undergarments, but NONE of this can be said about our legs in regard to our pants.
Have you ever heard of a person who had smelly legs? Of course you haven’t. The notion is ridiculous. Have you ever told your child or spouse “Oh! Baby you stink. Please go change your pants.”? No, you haven’t, unless of course they did, in fact, drop a load in them.
Here are a few further questions for you non-believers:
When is the last time you washed the shoes that house those stinky socks you wear all day?
When you are in your car in traffic, and it is hotter than hell, do you sweat? I imagine that day after day that sweat gets into the upholstery. When is the last time you had your upholstery cleaned?
Hey, do you own a hat? How many days do you sweat right through it and just wear it days on end anyway before it ever gets washed?
How many years do you where your winter coat without taking it to the drycleaners?
Are shoes, upholstery, hats, and coats magically untouched by your odor. No they aren’t. They get nasty, but you do nothing about it. You just quietly place your head in the sand as you wallow in your own filth, not giving a thought to these things.
That is OK though! Hey I am not judging you. I am right there with you. There is no need to wash your coat, hat, and shoes every day. Screw that! Don’t put yourself through that kind of trouble. That is not a life worth living.
Pants fall into the same category. I think that people wash pants as matter of course, rather than of heartfelt necessity.
I have worn the same pair of pants as long as three weeks, without a wash. I did not feel unclean. I did not smell bad. No one even noticed. I will tell you an added benefit to this is that when you get home, and change your clothes, you can leave your keys and wallet in them so that when you put them on the next day, they are ready for action.
If you are still not convinced, or if you still just don’t get it, I would like to present you with a challenge. Go right now, and smell everything you wore to work today. Smell your sox, your shirt, your underwear, and your pants. Then, ask yourself a question. “If I had to wear one of these items to bed tonight, which one would it be?”
If it was me, taking that challenge, then I will tell you, like I tell my wife.
“I wear the pants”
I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.
- Pants are optional (meetthehallbutts.com)
- Nasty smells, laundry, and puddles… (stepmomster86.wordpress.com)
- Laundry Fail. (chickenwirepaperflowers.com)
- Stick a Sock In It… (miraesto.wordpress.com)
- Everything Fishy (kiraisliterate.wordpress.com)
- How to Get Rid of Foot Odor (yoursocksandyou.wordpress.com)
- Clothes show effects of overuse (wisinfo.biz)
- Have You Ever Run out of Clean Underwear? (5kidswdisabilities.com)