Tom’s Endless Summer 2013

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Tom’s Endless Summer 2013

There seemed to be a lot of interest in my post on Facebook last night of my wife’s honey-do list that could potentially destroy what was already going to be a crappy summer for  reasons I have mentioned in past articles. For those of you who did not see the email message, I have included it below. My wife sent this to me, and told me to check my email. As she left to go to bed for the night. All she said as was, “We will talk about it in the morning” I checked my email and this is what I found. How about we  go through it line by line.

The Email:

Tom,

I have adopted your life style and the house is crumbling around us. If we work as a team we can do this please help me.   

Your loving wife

1.       Paint the deck and fence ( yes take a close look)
2.       Clean behind the house burn yard trash
3.       Take old swimming pool to the dump
4.       Repair the bathroom ceiling
5.       Repair moldings I will paint
6.       Clean up and repair your Honda
7.       Take a truck load to goodwill
8.       Clean garage
9.       Mulch around house
10.   Clean your rooms I will clean your carpet and paint Continue reading

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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Cell Phone For Tom Nardone? | I would rather just have a fishhook in my ass.

Cell Phone No More

I did own a cell phone about seven years ago. I was at the point where my contract was up in three days and was set to renew automatically. I thought about it and said “Hell I guess I’ll just let it renew.” The next day was Friday. I was at work and it was fifteen minutes before I was going to leave. I had the weekend off and I could not get out of there soon enough.

Finally, it was five minutes ‘til 3:00pm, and I began that magical walk toward the time clock, I hit the clock and was on my way to the front door, and it happened. RINNNNNNNG! It was my wife she said “Tom are you still at Home Depot” I said, still at this point with a smile on my face “Yes dear I am walking out the door” She said “Well I am glad I caught you. I need you to grab a few things on your way out.” I didn’t want to do it but if it makes her happy I thought fine. I can just do it, and start my awesome weekend off on a cooperative note. I said “OK dear, what do we need?” with her next words I knew that whatever plans I might have had for a great weekend were now in the shitter. She responded “You are going to need a pen”

Here are the things that I grabbed on the way out. 25 bags of mulch, 60 fence pickets, a wheelbarrow, a hundred foot garden hose, and a bunch of other little things. For those of you not cursed with the burden of owning a home, these are the kinds of things homeowners buy to ensure that they have a real shitty weekend. Most of you know my position on yard work. Nothing gives me the red-ass like being stopped on my way out the building after I have clocked out, but after this, I was devastated. If you have ever gotten so mad that your anger turns to tears or crying, then you know how I felt. I wrote it all down and managed to push the words “I love you dear” out of my body, and then I hung up.

BROKEN CELL PHONE

My cell phone, my wonderful, fifty dollar a month, pain in the ass, heart-breaking, soul killing, cell phone,  with a fist covered in talcum powder had screwed me for the last time. After hanging up with my wife, I looked at my cell phone and smiled. I then dropped it, still smiling, and watched it go hurling toward the concrete floor of the Home Depot. My smile turned to anger and I began violently jumping up and down on that phone like a child throwing a tantrum. There were pieces of cell phone flying everywhere. When I finished, I noted that two couples that were shopping, were watching my performance. I looked at them and said “I just got some really bad news from home” They nodded as if to offer me their sympathy, and I got the stuff and went home.

I got home and went insides the house and Yvonne said “Did you get everything?” I said “yes dear, I have to go upstairs and take care of something.” I went up to my man-cave and called Sprint. I told them I would not be renewing my contract. They explained to me that to cancel my contract they would need a letter from me thirty days before the termination date.

I did not even get mad. I just said “Well it is your right to continue my service, just as it is my right to not send you any more money. I am not going to write you a letter, but I will stop sending you money. I imagine you will get tired of providing me with service before I get tired of not spending fifty dollars a month, thereby giving other people access to my ass for the purpose of causing it pain.  Believe me ma’am your services has caused me more pain today then I have time to explain.”

The Sprint lady said “Sir this will be reported to the credit bureau, and will result in a negative mark on your credit.” I said “Well of course it will, believe me many others have gone there before you. Sprint will be, but another drop of water in the Sea of Tom Nardone. So by all means, feel free to do your worst. Thank you for your time ma’am”

YVONNEI hung up the phone, and went downstairs and began the hell that would be my weekend.

Cell phone for Tom? No Thank You. I would rather have a fish hook in my ass.

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.

 

  • lying-tom-nardone-maipulateYou can join the I Am Tom Nardone Facebook Group by clicking HERE. or ADHDpeople.net Here
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  • Or you could risk never hearing from me again and go through life without the benefit of my counsel, but what would be the
Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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The Dishwasher | A Useless Chunk of Shit

 

tom-nardone-dishwasher-head

My wife is of the opinion that the dishes need to be washed before they go into the dishwasher. I of course think that is stupid. The dishwasher’s job is to wash the dishes. If the dishwasher is unable to do this then the dishwasher is a useless piece of shit, and it is time to shit-can it,  and replace it with a cabinet so we have more space to store all the pots and pans that never seem to be able to fit into the cabinet the same way twice.(that is such bullshit)

I never take the initiative to run the Dishwasher

My wife always asks me “Hey Tom, Did you run the dishwasher?” LOOK! The damn dishwasher should never be run until it is completely, and absolutely full. Not half full, not almost full, but full full. It costs money to run a dishwasher and as my wife has mentioned before; I am one cheap bastard. I have plenty of things that I enjoy wasting my money on. Running an empty dishwasher is not on the list.dishwasher-tom-nardone

My dishwasher has cost me more than just on the electric bill. 2 Years ago my dishwasher bent be over the kitchen counter and drilled me right in the ass. The assholes at the factory over tightened a screw.  My dishwasher leaked behind the cabinets, and that led to my hardwood floors in the hallway to be destroyed. Luckily, I am Tom Nardone, and I was able to fix the leak, but can you just guess what the bastards at the insurance company told us when we tried to make a claim on our home owners insurance? Yes, and not only was it not covered but they raised our premiums for even attempting to make a claim

I don’t wash my clothes before I throw them in the washer, I don’t cook a turkey before I toss it in the oven, so I don’t think it is too much to expect to not have to wash my dishes before they go into the dishwasher. I am not the only one who believes this. Some friends of mine from Ohio just sent me an article that says it is not necessary, even for health reasons.(click here) (Thank you Mike and Patty) This article won’t make any difference in this house though. My wife won’t care about it. Hell she doesn’t even read any of the shit I write so I will have to just continue to take it in the shorts

Lastly, most people who use dishwashers don’t even need them. If you have kids between the ages of 10 and 18, well, there are your dishwashers. What a great way for them to contribute to the household than to do the dishes by hand. It will teach many values that will serve them as they get older; you know, before they turn 18 and their heads miraculously emerge from their asses and then they know more than you do. I know I know you already make your kids wash the dishes. If you are letting them use the dishwasher then I disagree with that because you know and I know they will load dirty dishes into a dishwasher that already has clean dishes in it because they don’t want to unload it. The way we know that is that it is the same shit we used to pull when it was our job.

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.

  • lying-tom-nardone-maipulateYou can join the I Am Tom Nardone Facebook Group by clicking HERE. or ADHDpeople.net Here
  • Or you can enter you email address at the top of this page and click the button that says “BE AWESOME” 
  • Or you could risk never hearing from me again and go through life without the benefit of my counsel, but what would be the
Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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