An Unforgettable Halloween w/ Kotex & Brody Bricker

Halloween-brody-brickerThis Halloween is remembered by many.

I have written about Brody Bricker before and some of you love him and some of you hate him. He was my best friend as a child growing up from the third grade through the seventh grade. He was a very bad kid and lived to cause mischief. Read of his other exploits here.

One Halloween when we were nine-years-old, I went to Brody’s house before we were to go out trick-or-treating. When I arrived, he did not yet have his costume on. I went as Batman and he was going to be Superman. When I entered his house his mother told me to go back to his room. Continue reading

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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New Car Wrong Color

The Adventures of: Brody Bricker

VOL. III

New Car Wrong Color


Brody Bricker was one of my best friends growing up. He lived to cause trouble. He would do anything to get a reaction out of someone. He had absolutely no conscience, and the only time I ever saw him smile, was after causing any kind of mayhem. He hated is father and gave all authority figures, nothing but grief.

I have changed his name, the names of his victims, and the names of any businesses that might have suffered at the expense of his entertainment.

These are his stories

Ladies and Gentlemen, Brody Bricker:

One day Brody’s father decided it was time for a new car and he took Brody with him to the dealership. His dad decided on a model that resembled the 80’s Plymouth Horizons. It came in many colors and Brody liked the blue one. He told his dad that the blue one looked the best, and that it was the car he should buy. His dad however, decided on this ugly dark brown car that had some orange eagle painted on both doors, and the hood. The car looked like ass, and this made furious.

He called me at the house when they got back and he told me how stupid his father was, and how embarrassed he would be to even have this car in the driveway. Brody and I had planned for me to spend that weekend at his house. I did this on many weekends in the summer.

The next morning, my dad drove me the 20 miles or so that he lived from us and told me to behave as I got out of the car. I said “Sure Dad.”

The subject of the car came up immediately when his dad saw me and wanted to show it to me. He even told me and brody to get in so I could take a ride in it. He was very proud of this car. Later that night after his parents went to bed, and Brody and I got up and snuck out to do God knows what.

When we got back he said “Hold on Tom, I have to take a leak” He then proceeded to walk up to his Dad’s new car, open the gas cap door, unscrew the cap, and pee into the tank. I could not believe what I was seeing. Brody saw the look of amazement on my face and he began to laugh. He said stop making me laugh, it is affecting my aim. He finished, zipped up, and we went back into his house and went to bed.

The next morning Brody and I woke up and his dad was washing the car. He asked if we wanted to help him wax it. Brody knew I would say yes, so he quickly interrupted and said we are going over to Johnny and Billy’s house we will be back later. So we left. We did not go to Johnny and Billy’s house, but Brody and I stayed gone long enough to make sure his Dad’s car was done being waxed.

As we got back Brody noticed his dad’s car had all the doors open including the hatchback open. He looked at me and said “Come on” Brody went up to his dad’s car, walked around to the rear of it, and began to pee into the open hatchback onto the carpet. I said “Brody he is going to smell that for sure dude. How are you going to explain this?” He assured me he had it under control, and damned if he didn’t.

Brody closed all the doors and windows of the car. We went inside and Brody went right up to his dad and said “Dad, we closed you doors to your car” he said “Why did you do that? I was airing it out to get rid of that new car smell” Brody told him “Well, there was some strange cat that was asleep in it so we got rid of him, and closed the doors so he would not come back” His dad replied ”Oh! Thanks Brody” Brody said “Sure, it was nothing.”

That weekend I don’t think he pissed anywhere but in that car.  He did it several times in the gas tank, and several times in the cab. It didn’t matter what he did for that whole weekend. His dad would assume that the cat pissed in it.

The next morning Brody told me that he would have to cut the grass that day before we did anything. I said fine and brody said he must first take care of something. He went outside and gathered up a bunch of gravel and strategically placed it in the tall grass.

He came back inside and said “Tom come outside and watch me cut the grass” I didn’t care so I went. He kept laughing while he was cutting the grass. I did not know why then. I did figure it out before it happened and I was too afraid to do anything about it. Brody had placed that gravel so that when he ran over it with the lawn mower, the shoot of the mower would be aimed at his dad’s car. The gravel was there as shot.

Brody came around and he was so excited that he could not stand it. I knew he was about to hit it, and I had my back turned, not wanting to see this. I could not resist the show. When I turned I saw his dad. I thought his dad was still inside. I looked at Brody and pointed at his dad whose back was turned, and shook my head saying “No!” Brody, with a smile, nodded his head saying “Yes”. Seconds later Brody with his brand new lawnmower shotgun, that he designed only 30 minutes prior to testing, hit the pile of gravel, and the test was a remarkable success. Brody’s dad had turned into the line of fire just as it began.

Brody’s weapon sprayed a hail storm of gravel at his father and at the car. It lasted longer than I thought it would have. There were scratches and dings all over the car. Brody’s dad was going insane. I didn’t know if he was jumping up and down out of anger, pain, or fear. When the shooting was over, Brody just kept going like he didn’t even notice that it had happened. His dad went running after him and started kicking his ass. Brody fought back as they were exchanging blows in the front yard on this blissful Sunday morning.

Brody’s mom came out and Brody started his fake crying. When his mother saw that she started kicking Brody’s dad’s ass.

Eventually the excitement stopped. Brody and I went to go play on the direction of his mother.

Later that day Brody and I went back to his house. He was full of anticipation at the thought of looking at this car. He wanted to see the damage he had done. When we got to the car he was disappointed. I said what’s the matter Brody isn’t this enough?  He said “Well my dad had to be out here screwing with the car. I was hoping to break a window. His fat-ass took most of the heavy gravel. Shit let’s go inside”

Over the next few months his dad was back and forth with the dealership trying to figure out why the car ran so poorly or sometimes not at all. When it finally got fixed Brody stopped peeing in the gas tank. He just sort of got bored with it all.

I am Tom Nardone , and you are welcome.

Incase you missed I and II click here

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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Brody Bricker Vol II. | Brody Bricker Makes the News!!

Picture11

The Adventures of: Brody Bricker

VOL. II

Brody Makes the News


Brody Bricker was one of my best friends growing up. He lived to cause trouble. He would do anything to get a reaction out of someone. He had absolutely no conscience, and the only time I ever saw him smile, was after causing any kind of mayhem.

I have changed his name, the names of his victims, and the names of any businesses that might have suffered at the expense of his entertainment.

These are his stories

Ladies and Gentlemen, Brody Bricker

It was never a good idea t cross Brody. He would always come out on top. He never lost because he had no fear and no conscience about anything he ever did

One Saturday Brody and I decided to go to the movies. We were taking a short cut through the woods to go to the movie theatre. We had done this many time before, but this time we ran into some kids who were playing in a tree house. We tried to just ignore them, but they had some problem with us cutting through their yard and told us to go around. We said we were sorry, and we started to go around, but that suddenly was not good enough either. They wanted to fight. One of the kids said “Now we are gonna kick your asses” Brody said great which one of you assholes wants to go first.

I did not want to fight, but if they were going to insist, then fine. Two of them came forward one at me and one at brody. The rest of them scurried up the tree house ladder to get a better view. We were doing great and the kids we were fighting ran away, then the kids in the tree house started yelling and throwing things at us. We got out of there just in case their parents might decide to come out, and raise hell about the two of us beating the hell out of their idiot sons.

Brody was furious. He was enjoying beating those other kids up. I was the only person he ever hung around with, so he did not have many chances to kick anybody’s ass. He was even angrier that we ended up not going to see the movie that he had been waiting to go see.

Later that night I was spending the night with him and as usual we snuck out. Brody said to me “Tom, wait here for just a minute” He came back with a duffel bag and said “OK let’s go.” I didn’t know where we were going, and he wouldn’t tell me because he did not want me to chicken out, which I definitely would have.

As we were walking through the woods I said “Brody we are going through the woods. Why didn’t you just tell me we’re going to the movies?” He said “We aren’t going to the movies tonight.” When he said that I figured out what we were doing. I knew we were going back to the tree house where those kids were playing. When we got there Brody told me to stay where I was he would only be a minute. He climbed the chain linked fence that surrounded the yard where the tree house stood. He quietly snuck through the yard and went up the ladder, and into the tree house.

treehouse5-11-06 006I should note that this was not some half-ass tree house. The person who built this took time and money to make it very beautiful. It had a shingled roof and siding. Brody later told me that it even had a refrigerator and lights in it.

He was in there for 5 very long minutes. He of course, emptied the refrigerator into the duffel bag, along with any other snacks, or things of value. Finally I saw him coming out of the tree house and down the ladder. I gave a sigh of relief but this night had only just begun.

I noticed Brody was messing with some string on the way down the ladder. He then pulled out a lighter and lit the string. The string started burning very fast, I remember watching the flame as it was traveling up toward the tree house. All of a sudden WAHHHHH!! Out of the windows came a giant cloud of orange flames. Brody wasn’t counting on the flames to be so bright. I had no idea what the hell he was doing until I saw the flames. I completely freaked out, and ran back towards his house which was a good mile through the woods at night. He jumped the fence and said “Tom, we better haul some ass” I was so far ahead that I barely heard him. We were running through the woods, and within 2 minutes we could hear the fire engine horns and sirens. I turned back and saw flashing blue and red lights through the woods. I didn’t care to sight see for long. We got back to house and went right to bed. Brody wanted to talk about it, because he was so proud of the mayhem he had caused. I was too scared. I felt like a criminal.

I went home the next morning because it was too scary to be at Brody’s anymore for the weekend. My dad was watching cartoons when I got home. As I walked in the door, my dad said ”Hey your home early. You want to watch Tom & Jerry” That sounded safe enough so I said “Sure.” I always enjoyed watching cartoons with my dad.

I was watching cartoons with dad for a while. I actually started to forget about what had happened the night before. I had gotten past it, and then the morning news came on. It was the tree house. The news was there covering an arson investigation. Apparently the entire tree house burned up, along with the tree, and a shed. They showed the kids whose tree house it was, and they were crying. My dad said “Boy, Tommy, what kind of sick sons of bitches would burn down a little kid’s tree house?”  I said “Only the meanest kind of person dad”

I no sooner said that and the phone rang. Oh God!!!! I knew it was brody. He saw the news like I did and he wanted to brag and tell me how awesome it was that his work was being covered by the news media. I jumped up and got the phone and said “Hello” it was Brody He said “Are you watching the news” I said “Yes” He said “Did you see those assholes crying? And we even got their dick dad’s shed as a bonus” I said “OK I will be over later today.” And then I hung up.  Dad says “was that your friend Brody?” I said “Yes” He said “That sounds like some shit he would do.” I simply and truthfully replied “I was with him all night dad”.

I am Tom Nardone, and You Are Welcome!

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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