An Unforgettable Halloween w/ Kotex & Brody Bricker

Halloween-brody-brickerThis Halloween is remembered by many.

I have written about Brody Bricker before and some of you love him and some of you hate him. He was my best friend as a child growing up from the third grade through the seventh grade. He was a very bad kid and lived to cause mischief. Read of his other exploits here.

One Halloween when we were nine-years-old, I went to Brody’s house before we were to go out trick-or-treating. When I arrived, he did not yet have his costume on. I went as Batman and he was going to be Superman. When I entered his house his mother told me to go back to his room. Continue reading

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Getting Hired. I am the Pied Piper, Follow Me!

pied-piper-getting -hiredGetting hired is a skill those of us with ADHD need to possess. As ADHD people we can sometimes find ourselves being shit-canned from jobs. I know some of you may be offended by this idea, but believe it or not many of the traits we exhibit can have a negative impact on our employer’s perception of us and the job we do. We carry this failure into the next interview, while doubting our own ability, and end up not getting hired.

Getting hired is not a contest, but a form of art. It is a game. It is a dance. Getting hired is something I have accomplished over twenty times in a single year. It sure as hell was not because I was the most qualified person for the job twenty times. It is because I am a fan of the art, I understand the game, and there are few better at the dance than I. Continue reading

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Lying, It’s Not Just Necessary, It’s Fun!

lying-tom-nardone-homelessWe have all been told since we were kids lying is wrong. I think it is a fine lesson. Kids lying should not be permitted by parents. They should admit their wrong doings and face the consequences. When I was a child, I did not ever consider lying to my parents. However, I am not a child any more. Continue reading

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Manipulation | Harness its Power, and Eat Its Fruits

tom-nardone-manipulationManipulation can bring you great rewards. Everyone is nosy about something. I for one am today and always have been nosy and curious, and particularly so at the workplace. Workplace gossip is among the finest entertainment of which I am aware. I love it and I want to know it all. I don’t want to be left out of the conversations or theories surrounding the whispers. I want to weigh in and be heard among the busiest of tongues. I am like a dry sponge when it comes to workplace gossip, standing ever so ready to suck it all up. Continue reading

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Commitment: I Beg You All, Love Yourself Enough to Avoid This

The Commitment Coefficient

tom-nardone-couchI do not like making commitments to other people. I do not appreciate being put in a position to where other people depend on me. Chances are if you ask me to do something, it is most likely something I do not want to do. If I were to give you a commitment, well then I have now added pressure to the task. Continue reading

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The Conclusion of Nardone v/s Nardone | The Jury is In!

MY FIRST VIDEO POST!!

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I have a special treat for you all today. If you did not catch my last post, you should go there now.

While I did win the majority vote for the most rational thinker, I am still finding myself unsatisfied. I really feel like it was just too close of a race.  53.06% for Tom Nardone, and a discouraging 46.94% for my lovely wife, Yvonne Nardone. I will not debate the issue any further. I would like to thank all of you who voted.

I am Tom Nardone, and am therefore awesome. I am an awesome husband. My desire for my wife was for her not to have to go out of her way to get something we already have. She did not feel well and I would have done anything to help her avoid any further discomfort.

Today she came home from work with a new mixer. Her plan was to bake a cake for her brother. We are celebrating his birthday tomorrow. I had a different plan. Continue reading

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The Passive Aggressive: Artist or Asshole?

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by Tom Nardone

A term I have heard people use a great deal in my life is “Passive Aggressive”. No one ever speaks well of passive aggression. I hear people say “ugggh, she is such a passive aggressive bitch”, or “Why does he have to be so passive aggressive?” The English Dictionary, defines passive aggressive behavior as: “Away of behaving that seeks to manipulate others indirectly and resist their demands rather than confronting or opposing directly”

Maybe you are one of those people, who doesn’t appreciate this method of conflict resolution. Perhaps you find it to be, an annoying and condescending display of narcissism. Maybe you feel you are just being controlled, as if you were a puppet, enslaved to the will of the puppeteer. You feel this is a person’s attempt, to twist you up as if you were a pretzel. Possibly you feel very strongly about this and therefore have a need to be heard on this issue. Well…no, that is what you need. What you need is a t-shirt that says, “Hi I am the stupidest asshole you will meet all day” Continue reading

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Be Interesting. It is Just a Matter of Common Courtesy

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What do these three quotes have in common?

  • “Another day another dollar”
  • “… time to make the doughnuts”
  • “It’s just another day in paradise”

As far as I can see, they all have two things in common; one, they are all tired clichés that I could go the rest of my life without hearing, and two, they are all said by assholes Continue reading

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WE ARE ALL SCREWED!!!!!

ass fisterMost of us have jobs. We are expected to go in and work five days a week for eight hours and perform our duties to whatever degree of proficiency that is required by our employer. We have to be on time. For some us, there is an expectation that we be good at what we do.

If you are a brick layer you are expected to lay all the bricks straight, and level, and to use the proper amount of mortar to ensure that what you are building stays built. If you are a teacher then you are expected to present information to your students, and ensure that there is a reasonable level of retention among them.

This is the type of arrangement most of us have with our employers. Failure to achieve these things can result in counseling, reprimands or even termination. That is simply the world we live in.

This may sound harsh to some of my younger readers, believe me I understand. I do however have some good news for you people. I have an alternative if these kinds of standards seem a little demanding, or challenging to you, and if you so choose, you can avoid all of this. I am going to tell you about a career where you can fall ass backwards into piles of cash for simply playing a guessing game, a profession where you are afforded the highest respect, regardless of your knowledge level. It is a career where you have no accountability, and no performance expectations. When people find out what you do they will believe every fucking word you say. If this sounds like what you are looking for than maybe you should be a “Doctor”.

As you read this ask yourself if you have ever been on either end of this conversation.

”Hey, Bob, how did it go at your doctor’s appointment this afternoon?”

“Well they think it is a ….”

Or

“Well they aren’t sure what is wrong with me, so they’re put me on….. “

Most of you know this already, but let me tell you what this actually means. Let’s replay that conversation but we will remove all the bullshit.

”Hey, Bob, how did it go at your doctor’s appointment this afternoon?”

“Well the Doctor said to me Bob I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you”

 Doctors have found what I have to admit, are brilliant new ways to say “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you.” We have all heard this before. They will say “I think you need to see a specialist”. You see, they did not even have to admit that they don’t know what is wrong with you, while at the same time, they are helping out another one of their doctor buddies by sending some business their way. This happens in my experience about fifty percent of the time, but guess what happens 100% of the time. I’m sure you already know. Yes. That is correct. You pay your bill or give them your insurance information. Either way, they get paid. You get a little lighter in your wallet, and they go to the bank having drilled another sick bastard squarely in the ass.

Doctors have also gotten around the whole issue of accountability. I have been to the doctor several times, where they do a bunch of preliminary tests; blood pressure, reflexes, heartbeat, and so on. Then I wait twenty minutes in silence (while the important data is carefully gone over, studied and scrutinized). Then he comes in and determines I have X and he is prescribing Y. I pay the bill and leave. Well that doesn’t work either, or it makes me worse. So what do I do? Yes, you are right again. I go back to the doctor to give him another chance to guess what is wrong with me. (This is called repeat business), because I will be paying for another visit. The other thing is that with you being passed around from doctor to doctor, and going from this med to that med. They have created ambiguity. This means that one doctor can just blame the other one, and neither one of them can be held accountable for anything. It is a thing of beauty.

Put yourself in this scenario and tell me if you think this is how you might behave.

Your car is acting up. So you take it down to your local repair shop and tell them what the symptoms are.  They listen while writing things down on a clip board. They tell you to give them a couple of hours. You leave and come back two hours later. They say “we think it needs new spark plugs, so we put new ones in. That will be $135.00.” You drive the car for a day or two and it still isn’t running right. So you take it back to them to give them another try. They then decide it could be the air filter was clogged so they replace it and charge you another $135.00. Well, that didn’t work so you bring it back again, and they run some more tests and tell you that you need to go to the shop down the road, and of course, charge you another $135.00. Would you raise hell or would you just bend over and take it up the tail pipe. Of course you wouldn’t take that. You would refuse to pay and never go back. Fortunately you auto insurance does not tell you where you can or can’t take your car.

That is not however, an option for you with the respected member of the medical industry. This is a shrewd bunch. They have the money so they have the lawyers. You can’t just refuse to pay your medical bills. Oh no. Whether they earned their money or not you are going to pay. You can be a sick, in pain, broken, coughing, shaking, wobbling, sore, wishing you were dead son of a bitch, but you are still going to pay your doctor bills, or else the government will come in and take away your income tax refund. Why don’t they do this for all of your debtors? Why is it just the doctors? I guess someone has to pay back that Ivy League student loan. It might just as well be you.

What is the solution? Sadly this time I just don’t know. We are screwed. Sometimes we lose and this is one of those times. All I can say is hey, I am in this with you, and dont think that you are the only one that will be bleeding from the asshole.

So kids I hope I have helped those of you underachievers who want all the money and none of the responsibilities that go along with it. There is plenty of room for all of you. Those of you who aspire to perform below the status quo, the medical industry requires following three things.

  1. years college (Pre-Med)    4
  2. years medical School        4
  3. Integrity                             0

My hope is that you will shoot higher than this and work at a gas station.

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.

If you would like to be notified, and have quicker access, follow me on facebook here.

If you would like to be notified via email, then go to the top of this page and click the button that says “BE AWESOME”

IT WILL FEEL GREAT!!!

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I Am Tom Nardone Presents: “DAY-CEPTION”

doctortom

by Tom Nardone

I owe the title for this article to my son Brett A. Fuller. I promised him a credit in this post. So, promise kept.

I feel that I have stumbled across an amazing discovery. Like many discoveries, It was discovered completely by accident. The research division of “I am Tom Nardone”, have unanimously decided, to share this with you. We sincerely hope you can benefit from this and your feedback will be carefully scrutinized by our analysts, should you be compelled to share it.

I recently was scheduled off three days in a row. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it is a wonderful thing. Yesterday I got up at 7:00am, and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. I began writing. I finished and posted an article, and then spent some time with my wife watching TV in the den. Sometime around noon, she was feeling like a nap and so was I. I went upstairs, and took a four hour nap. I got up again this time at 4:00pm and went to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. This felt like the beginning of a new day. Just like that, My new discovery was born. From the mind of Tom Nardone, Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present ”Day-Secting”? I did the very same thing on Tuesday, and here is what I would like to report.

This is my discovery; “Day-secting” – the day within a day.

I was off Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I “Day-sected” Monday, and Tuesday. I cut the second and third days into two small days or mini days. This brought the total days from Three to five.

This was amazing! When I finally went back to work, I really felt as if I had been off for five days. During my three days off, I kept thinking that I was supposed to be at work. I actually checked the calendar on my laptop to make sure that I was not missing it.  I figured that when I got back it would catch up to me and balance out, but it didn’t. I clocked in and it felt like I had been on vacation. When I got home that afternoon, I still could not get it out of my mind. I sat and pondered at what I had done.

I determined that I had discovered something extraordinary. I could not decide though whether I discovered a method of solving the “two days off a week is not enough” dilemma. OR had I just taken self-bullshitting to the next level, or perhaps turned it into an art form. I am in a quandary as to which one, but they both sound like something that I can be proud of.

While I will stand by this research, I do not plan to take it any further. After the success Day-secting two consecutive days, I had planned another test; I was going to schedule a vacation for myself, and commit to this program for seven straight days. I was going to Day-sect each day of my entire vacation.

I am reasonably sure that it would have felt like a two week vacation. I decided that this would put undue pressure on my family who depends on me for things. Another way to say this is that my wife has put the kibosh on it. “SO, OK EVERYBODY GET YOUR PARADE OUT SO YVONNE CAN RAIN ON IT!” I still maintain that this is an amazing discovery.

My wife Yvonne, on the other hand, is not nearly as impressed with this as I am. During the second day of “Day-secting”, she was leaving to go to the grocery store, as she left she said “I will be back in an hour and a half; I will need some help getting the groceries in.” I explained to her that Brett would help her to that because I was involved in an important experiment, and that my research would require me to go back to sleep for four hours. She said “oh God Tom, Day-secting?” I said “Yes dear, Day-secting.” she said “I love you Tom, but this is the stupidest thing you have ever done. You’re an idiot” and with that she left.

When she recently found out that this discovery was actually going to make it to my blog, she advised me not to do it. She said “Tom, Honey listen, This whole thing….. is just bullshit. Are you sure you are not going to embarrass yourself sweety?”

(Long Pause)

Me: “Darling, have you EVER read my blog?”

I continued and said to her in a tender tone of voice as if to eliminate her fears, “Yvonne, let me assure you that if it were possible for me to embarrass myself, I would have absolutely done it by now. Let me tell you why I am never going to be embarrassed. I AM TOM NARDONE, and I am a global phenomenon. People love and appreciate me, because of my Awesomeness. There are people all over the world, in countries I have never even heard of who go to my site. You call Day-secting a bunch of bullshit, well these people have hunger for my bullshit. Some of them have told me that they all sit down to the dinner table and have a big giant family dinner and guess what the main course is? Yep, that is correct The bullshit of Tom Nardone. I could read some comments to you, but do you really need me to?”

Yvonne: Ughhhhhhhh

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.

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