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The Tom Nardone Show
- Don’t listen to Tumor Rumors.
- I am Afraid, but I am not finished. (not even Close)
- The Light of Empathy
- A Stop Sign for Edie
- Chasing Kites with Tom Nardone
- Chasing Kites by Tom Nardone is Available Right Now!!
- An Unforgettable Halloween w/ Kotex & Brody Bricker
- Bad Guys | Mayberry Goes Gangster!
- Used Shit is the Best Shit
- Tom & Yvonne Nardone Take Orlando
- Homeless People | The Romance of True Freedom
- Eating. The Absolute Ultimate Pain in My Ass!
- Getting Hired. I am the Pied Piper, Follow Me!
- Teenagers v/s Parents
- Lying, It’s Not Just Necessary, It’s Fun!
- Manipulation | Harness its Power, and Eat Its Fruits
- Bullshitting yourself Bullshit 102 (BS102) Part II
- LED Light Bulbs, This is what you need to know
- Commitment: I Beg You All, Love Yourself Enough to Avoid This
- Handshake | Perhaps, Its Time Has Come.
- ATTENTION FOLLOWERS OF TOM NARDONE
- A Poem by Tom Nardone – Just Trust Me People
- Question Society’s Rules, or You’ll Miss Something!
- Not Giving a Shit, This is the Power of Being Uninformed.
- Rat Race, To Hell With That , I Don’t Follow Sports Anyway.
- Tom Nardone, The Goodwill Sharp Dressed Man
- Infidels, Worry Not. | Asalaam alikum from Tom Nardone
- Fast Food Rules of Engagement
- Kids Are Visual, Give Them a Show!
- Superhero, You Can Take That Job and Shove It!
- Frosty the Snowman, You Are Gonna Love Hell!
- Clutter is finished, Get That Table Out of My Sight
- ADHD Blogs, This is Why Many of them Suck
- Cooking with Yvonne Nardone
- This is Tom Nardone…Live from My Hospital Room
- Merry Christmas! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
- Rudolph the Red Nosed, Reindeer? Are You Kidding ME?
- The Conclusion of Nardone v/s Nardone | The Jury is In!
- Nardone v/s Nardone | You Be the Judge!!
- I am Tom Nardone, Welcome to My Show!
- She was Beautiful.
- Better Than a Date with Ned Hickson
- Don’t Pick a Fight With Your Body, It Will Kick Your ASS!!
- Bullshit 101 | with Tom Nardone Part I
- His Name is Elliot, and He is ADHD
- WordPress Family Award | Tom Nardone
- Whoever cares the least, WINS!!!!
- Artists: Some Work in Paint, While Others, in Bullshit.
- High Planes Blogger
- I Am Tom Nardone | How May I Help You?
- The Passive Aggressive: Artist or Asshole?
- Be Interesting. It is Just a Matter of Common Courtesy
- This is Not a Shitty Sports Story
- OH NO! There’s Nothing On Netflix! | So Let’s Make Lemonade!!!
- The Wolves Are At the Gate!!
- Calling In Sick |Do You Have What it Takes to Play at This Level?
- Bees, Spiders, Snakes, and Bugs: I Quit, You Can Have the Damn Yard You Bastards.
- Brody Bricker Vol IV. | Late Night Swimming!!
- Attention Assholes, Please Don’t Masquerade As Decent People.
- WE ARE ALL SCREWED!!!!!
- The Bodily Function Police
- Confessions of a TV Addict
- THE ULTIMATE HOME IMPROVEMENT
- Randall Kennedy, I Am Here For You.
- My First Blogger Award
- Attention Creditors, I don’t Owe You, I Own You!
- I Am Tom Nardone Presents: “DAY-CEPTION”
- They Gave Me Creative Control. Me!
- With friends like these, I have no enemies
- I Am Tom Nardone, and I Can Make Your Dreams Come True!!!
- Tom Nardone Vs The Lawn | Let’s Mow Some Ass.
- Tom Nardone, My ADD Was Untreated.
- The Family Outing. Hell Has Relocated!
- I am Tom Nardone, and I am ADD
- New Car Wrong Color
- Recycle? Don’t Be Silly ! Nobody is Raping Mother Earth!!!!
- Smart Money w/ Tom Nardone.| Put Your Future in My Hands
- History or Literature, They Are Narrowly Separated.
- Yes Dear, We Can Eat Out Tonight. Just get me a shirt that says ”Kill Me Please”
- I Was a Kick-Ass Father
- Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Strikes Back!!
- America. Quit Playing With Yourself!!!!
- I Am Perfectly Happy Driving a Dumpster.
- He’s Not Heavy. He’s My Blogger
- Tom Nardone’s: Theory of Pants
- Man’s Best Friend, or The Spawn of Satan?
- Telemarketers, I Am Begging You All. Come Back!!
- ADHD | You Will Find What You Look For.
- Brody Bricker Vol II. | Brody Bricker Makes the News!!
- Tom Nardone’s Driving Museum of A##holes!!
- Tom’s Endless Summer 2013
- Brody Bricker Vol I. | Man, That’s a Cadillac
- Cell Phone For Tom Nardone? | I would rather just have a fishhook in my ass.
- The Dishwasher | A Useless Chunk of Shit
- Tom Nardone is My Husband | He is Also ADHD
- Time-ADHD, I Love You, but You Are a Whore!
- My Wife is Just Wrong
- Two Weeks Notice? HELL NO!
- America is Debt Free (Or at least as good as)
- Public Restrooms- | – Are you shitting me?
- The worst Job I Ever Had
In our society today, we have rules. Rules or laws are involved in everything we do. Most people abide by the rules of their society, but no one obeys all the rules. When it comes to rules people make their decision mainly on the basis of two things; what is the penalty, and what is the likelihood of being caught? That is just the particular type of assholes we are as Americans. For the record, I proudly count myself among all of you assholes in this regard. Continue reading
I was going into a local sporting goods store recently to buy some ammo for my pellet rifle. As I was walking through the store I noticed a button up shirt hanging on the rack. I noticed it because I was wearing the exact same shirt complete with a small tag under the pocket that read “Columbia”. I could not figure out what my shirt was doing in the asshole section of a retail sporting goods store. Mine came from Goodwill. Continue reading
Most of you know by now I am home. The Doctors determined that I had an inflamed intestine and things seem to be good now. I feel great. My time on the inside is over. This was my first hospital visit and I really found it quite exciting in some ways. I am thankful that I had my wife Yvonne with me. She is the most wonderful person I know and I can’t imagine life without her. She and I wanted to thank you all so since there seemed to be so much interest in the first video I did. I thought I would do another one featuring My wife.
Yvonne knows my favorite thing she makes is Tabouli. She promised to make it when we got home, and she did. Please enjoy as she does this in a very special way.
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- Or you could risk never hearing from me again and go through life without the benefit of my counsel, but what would be the fun in that?
All of us, at some or another, will find ourselves in the midst of a confrontation. It could be between husband and wife, brother and sister, boyfriend and girlfriend, or manager and employee. The differences that we hold will all be different. Both sides will believe that they are right, and for that reason, they will be victorious. Being right or being wrong have nothing to do with victory or defeat. Victory is always shared by the same group of people. Victory goes to those that care the least. Continue reading
I am Tom Nardone. In spite of what many people believe, I do not know everything. I know, I know, but it’s true. There are many things, I don’t know. At my job, I am asked over a hundred questions a day. Most of the time, I know the answers but when I don’t, I have specific people that I go to for the answer. I think of these people as my “go-to-guys”. I have been at my job for 14 years, so I am a go-to-guy when others run into difficulty. I am all about the help. Continue reading
What do these three quotes have in common?
- “Another day another dollar”
- “… time to make the doughnuts”
- “It’s just another day in paradise”
As far as I can see, they all have two things in common; one, they are all tired clichés that I could go the rest of my life without hearing, and two, they are all said by assholes Continue reading
There was a time when I used to watch football. I stopped watching for a host of reasons. Mainly it was the absolute never-ending whining and crying about money. I have outlined some changes that will make this game far less annoying to us all. I think that if these plans are implemented, It might even save this game from itself.
In America, most of us have the burden of a job, where we work five days a week. We typically work an 8-hour day. Sometimes the life we live does not synchronize with our work schedule. We have to make a decision at this point. We must decide what is more important. Do we just accept that we must work, or risk calling in sick.
We find ourselves calling in sick for many circumstances. I am not here to judge or to tell you it is wrong. You know your job. You know its demands. You know whether they can go a day without you. I would like to go on the record as saying calling in sick by lying about family members dying; this makes you an asshole. Don’t do it. I will be ashamed of you.
My purpose is to help you avoid some rookie mistakes while you are trying to sell this lie.
Calling In Sick | You Have Got to Sell It!
Over-explaining– Only the guilty explain everything. They will constantly go on, on, and on, about what happened, and why they were unable to get to work. They do this because they are concerned that the lie they chose, was not good enough. They will jump too quickly at the chance to make sure that their story was believed. When a person is telling the truth, they just don’t care if there story is believed. They don’t even consider the fact that anyone might think they are lying.
Saying that you are stranded –DO NOT EVER do this unless it you are stranded. You never know if your supervisor will be worried enough about you or need you bad enough to come and pick you up or to send someone after you. There will be no way out of this. You Are Screwed! Because you are home, so where are you going to tell them to come get you?
Altering your voice – If you are going to alter your voice then make sure that whatever your voice is being alter for makes sense. If you have a back injury you do not have to pretend your back is, actually giving you pain at that exact moment you are calling. If you are saying that you have the flu or a clod, you do not have to cough into the phone while you are talking. If you have laryngitis, then you will obviously alter your voice
Your spouse is sick – You…Are…An…Idiot. If that is the best, you got then you just don’t have the brains to play at this level. Go to work. You Sir or Ma’am are lucky to have this job
You Don’t have a ride to work –This is also a shitty reason for call in because they can always offer you a ride to work. If you use this and they do offer you the ride, thank them, and take it. Cut your losses and enjoy a free ride to work. If you magically discover an alternate way to work on your own, then they will know you were lying to them. This is lose lose. Your boss will think you are a dirt-bag, and you still had to work.
- If you are calling in sick saying that, you have some terrible illness, then don’t come in the next day laughing joking around. You started a story so don’t forget that you are a character in this story, and characters must stay in character.
- I would not feel the need to mention this but I have seen it happen. Do not find yourself calling in sick on a Friday, and then go in to pick up your paycheck that same day. (Yes, I have seen this)
- Also, do not say you are on the toilet, and are having troubles there. This is a very popular story and you will not be believed. If it happens, you are in truth on the toilet and unable to get off, you should just make up a lie. Others before you have rendered your problem unbelievable.
- calling in sick and then going to the lake. If you do then the jig will be up when they see the sunburn on your face. Nobody is sunburned while they were home sick. (I knew a clown that did this)
OK these are the most common rookie mistakes. You don’t want to find yourself in any of these scenarios. I hope those of you who this applies too will really study these items. It might save your job.
Now it is time to talk about how the pros do it. This is the calling in sick encyclopedia of awesomeness. This is doing it Tom Nardone style. My focus was going to be just identifying the mistakes that people make when calling in sick
I would like to state for the record that I never had found myself fictitiously calling in sick to my current job
When calling in sick, weather you are sick or not, go to the doctor. Go to “Doctors Care” or whatever half-assed doctor’s office is near you that day or the day before and just get a stupid doctors note. It will cost you nothing more than 15 to 25 dollar co-pay. The Doctor’s note is irrefutable. Your supervisor sees this and says, “OK here is a Doctor’s note that reads Sherry Walker is advised not to work as she is having blah blah female problems. She should spend the rest of the day sewing”. Case closed, and more importantly, “Ass Covered” This is a winner. Be credible and be believable.
If you say you twisted your ankle, do not go to the Doctor. I don’t advise you ever use this one. This excuse is only for the truly committed. However, assuming you are hell-bent on being believed, and you do use the twisted your ankle story, pay attention. You have to accept that you will probably not be believed when you call. That is why this story has a second act. In act two, you go back to work, the next day, but you go back with an ace bandage wrapped around your foot and ankle. I would even recommend some crutches to really seal the deal. This will not only serve as a fine visual aide for all nonbelievers, It will also serve as a reminder for you not to forget what leg you are supposed to be limping on. Well now that you are in costume, it is time for the show to begin. You should get into this frame of mind before you even exit your car.
To Hell with a doctor’s note, your performance will trump any note from a thousand doctors. Your footsteps will reverberate as all the doubters feel your thunder. You shall mount up and ride through the front door upon your steed, even with crutch in hand. The horse upon which you ride will have many names: such as courage, liberty, credibility, and above all believability. As you charge in through the front door, they will see you in your glory and will never again doubt a word that echoes from your lips. You will blow past them all with a mighty and victorious fury. They shall tremble in the wake of your awesomeness. You will be as a hero, for you worried not, about anything but yourself, and for yourself you accepted nothing less than victory. You shall finish out the day and depart just as you arrived…..The Victor.
Calling in sick can get you fired. When you do it, you have two things to bear in mind. One, is that you probably need this job to support your family, and two is that you should not put your boss in a position to have to fire you. You are not lying just for yourself. You are lying for the benefit and well being of everybody involved.
This is no time for you to be selfish. There is a lot riding on your story so don’t just think of yourself. You need to have a great story so that you can have a nice carefree day not carrying the burden of fear that you could lose your job. This will ruin your day. Your boss might be a decent person. Give him or her, the satisfaction of knowing that it was only under the most extreme of circumstances that you even considered, not coming to work. Do not force him or her to make the hard choice, just because you were too lazy to properly prepare yourself to tell them what they needed to hear. Help them to feel good in your absence, as you did in theirs.
I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome
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- Or you can enter you email address at the top of this page and click the button that says “BE AWESOME”
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IT WILL FEEL GREAT!!!
Yard work is a bitch. I really don’t understand why people care so much about their yard. There is nothing about yard work that I find fun, interesting or rewarding. As it happens I have a very nice yard. My wife works hard and has worked hard to make it so. Yes, yes I help her. I have sent my step-son out there many times to cut the grass or clean up, or do the things that his mother might need help with, after all I am a man. Continue reading