Infidels, Worry Not. | Asalaam alikum from Tom Nardone

Picture1I was driving home in traffic the other day and was mad as Hell at the level of chaos. I thought it would be nice to live in a world without traffic. I pondered what it would be like if I was the only person on earth.

One day I wake up and all of the people are just gone. I am literally the last man on the earth. What would I do? Continue reading

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WordPress Family Award | Tom Nardone

wordpressfamilyawardBrother and sister bloggers, It is an exiting day for Tom Nardone. The lovely, Jade Reyner, of Jade’s Jungle has nominated me for the “WordPress Family Award” Jades Jungle is one of few sites i follow that is primarily about writing. I think Jade is a professional and one of the most gifted and consistent bloggers I have ever read. She also is a wonderful friend and has helped me in many areas. She is a part of what makes “I am Tom Nardone” a great place where you can all come to live vicariously through my indifference toward so many things that make life a challenge unnecessarily. Thanks again Jade. Continue reading

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With friends like these, I have no enemies

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By Tom Nardone

I have been fortunate over the last two years to have made a lot of friends. There are a lot of people who have a tough time making friends and I can relate to that. I don’t have much of a problem with it these days but to be honest with you, having a lot of friends is not always as great as you might think.

There is a lot expected of you as a friend. I would urge you to be careful, and to avoid being too many people’s best friend.

Yes I know; it is a highly coveted position “The Best Friend” I will tell you why that is not something to aspire to without moderation. I will ask you. Do you know what is expected of “The Best Friend”? Everything is expected of the best friend. You are either the first or last person they go to with the worst things in their life that they think must be done. This can be a burden that maybe you will not be prepared for. Certainly I don’t mean that you would not want to be there for any friend who has lost someone dear to them or to help them in a time of need. I am talking about stuff you don’t care about.

How about moving day? Yes Moving day. The very words sometimes cause me to drop a nut. Yes when a person decides to move, they make no bones about the fact that they are disrupting our lives, simply by telling us that they are moving.

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So they get a nice new home, and you and I get a large order of guilt and a side order of anxiety. They even go as far as to say it will be FUN!!

“Yah guys we will just be hanging out and drinking some beers, and having some laughs it will go quick.” They will sometimes say “There is really nothing that heavy”. They would have you believe that their furniture is made out of balsa wood. OK liars, the truth is that is not going to be a lot of laughs. It is going to be a pains-taking endurance test, and the whole time we are there we are going to be asking ourselves; is this guy’s friendship really worth this? Could I have not come up with an excuse to avoid this? HOWEVER, this is not a question that you will ask yourself,…. best friend.

The best friend will without a doubt be there on moving day. He or she will not be afforded the luxury of having more pressing matters. As the best friend you know all too well that if no one shows that this person will be moping around for weeks and they will be able to say “Even my best friend did not come help me”. They will of course say this to their best friend. Yes you will also have to hear about it, and as a human being you cannot allow that. You must, and you will endure. It is your lot for this awful day. This is the job of the best friend.

Our friends choose all kinds of ways to disrupt our lives. Maybe you have experienced this. Your friend has been dating someone for three years. When you are least expecting it, they announce that one day very soon in your life; you are going to make them the focal point of it for an entire damn day. Do not make any plans because by God you will be there at their disposal, on that magical day when they get married.

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One thing about a friend getting married is that you are not going to get out of it. Other than them calling it off or eloping you are going to be there unless you have a car crash on the way to the church and what are the odds that will happen?

Guys this is just a one day ordeal for you, but women, you have my sympathy. This woman who is getting married is going to make your life a living hell. She won’t want to make a single wrong decision. So she will appoint “guess who?” as her bride’s maid. Yes, she will choose the Best Friend. They get to be involved in this process every step of the way. I have only one word of advice to any of you ladies who are asked to be bride’s maids. If you hear the word elope come out of her mouth, Carpe diem baby. Save everyone for you may never again get a chance like this to be a hero to so many.

This Last thing can be a never-ending death that you may have to survive only to repeat again. If you have a lot of friends there is one thing you better not own. If you find yourself suddenly becoming Mr. or Mrs. Popularity, and your friends are growing beyond a reasonable rate of speed, you better get on Craig’s list as fast as you can, and sell that pickup truck to the first person who is physically able to write a check.pickup

You are going to be hauling everything everywhere. You will hate tax refund season, because that is when people by things like furniture, TV’s, Refrigerators, ovens, ranges, and other things in large heavy boxes. You are going to haul the stuff. My advice to you; if you have to have a pickup truck put it in the shop in February, and don’t take it out until May.

I am proud to say that there is a group of close knit friends where NONE of this ever comes to pass. This is a group of close friends that would never expect any of these things of one another. These are the many and the proud; “The Bloggers”. This is a group that absolutely has something that prevents any of this tension from ever coming between them. They have the only thing would prevent a life of unsolicited misery. That is geography; we are simply too far apart geographically speaking.

Blog buddies are the top shelf, the Cadillac, the crème of the crop, the best of the best, when it comes to friends. I do love these people, but I love everyone who takes time out of their lives to be a part of mine.

I have some really great and amazing friends here in South Carolina. I would and I have helped them move. I have hauled their stuff and their garbage, and I was prould to see them get married. I am a good friend to the people here that I love. I will always be there for them.

Here in SC I have what I like to call a manageable number of friends.

I will bet you if Valentine Logar bought a new house, she might call upon friends to help her. I love Val and I would do anything for her, but I am all the way in South Carolina. It wouldn’t even make sense to call me. It would not occur to her to ask me. I love Val enough to help her move, but it is never going to happen.

Jade Reyner might get an entire brand new kitchen, complete with cabinets and appliances, and a giant sofa for her living room. Even though I drive a pick-up truck she is not going to call me. She is too good a friend to expect me to drive across the ocean to the UK in my pickup truck, just to help her het her kitchen delivered.

Wow! I couldn’t wait to do this one. If Essa Alroc were to get married she might very well invite me to the wedding, but under the circumstances given our “Geography” she would never expect me to show. She would certainly understand if I couldn’t make it. I don’t think I would miss that one for the world though.

My point to all this is that being a friend is not just a title. It is a responsibility. As much as I hate to admit this, my life would be empty without responsibility. Responsibility is that which gives us a purpose.

I have friends that I would give everything for. Sometimes you get a chance to be the person who they need when they need them. This is never easy, but it is a rare and beautiful thing. I don’t think I want to live in a world without them; they will certainly never live in a world without me.

Thank You friends for a great year at I am Tom Nardone

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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Yes Dear, We Can Eat Out Tonight. Just get me a shirt that says ”Kill Me Please”

 

tom1My lovely wife used to love going out to eat. Life with me has changed things for her and for her entire family. My wife has just decided that I am a much bigger pain in the ass when asked to leave the house for the sake of a meal, than the meal is worth. Her parents adore me, and I them. She made the mistake of complaining about my shitty attitude about eating out to her mother. Now nobody eats out on their birthday, because her mother does not want me to be inconvenienced. I gotta say “THAT ROCKS!” Continue reading

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He’s Not Heavy. He’s My Blogger

He’s Not Heavy. He’s My Blogger

by Yvonne Nardone

me and yvonne

My husband is Tom Nardone. Anyone in a relationship with a blogger might have the same issue as me. He is obsessed with blogging, but I think he is even more obsessed with bloggers. When I say obsessed I don’t mean He loves to play games or go to the gym (ha ha). I mean he has lost 40 pounds because he’s so busy blogging that he won’t stop to eat.

He not only blogs but now he has joined your community of bloggernaughts to interface with. For him It’s seemingly a blogger love gone cult. He knows and communicates way more online than in real life. But to Tom this is his real life. Don’t get me wrong I’m proud that he’s found a stage for his bizarre and controversial opinions. Blogging also makes him happy.

Tom is obsessed with his blogger stats and checks them like a 60 year old woman playing video poker. 300 hits is an all cherry day. His day is shot if people don’t like him or comment. I really liken it to a gambling addiction. Tom sits in front of his laptop after publishing a post, as if it were a video game. He used to bring me his laptop to show me a map of the world on goggle analytics, to brag to me about the wide span of his readers or as I will call them followers. “Hey babe! Check this out they love me in Australia” or “Hey babe! Look I am storming across Europe!!” He pretends not to care that I don’t read his all of his blog.

This happens to be true. I don’t read all of his blog. I think Tom is a brilliant writer and he connects well with his readers. The problem is that I have heard this shit a thousand times before, and since I don’t agree with half of the shit he says, I find it to be a reminder of the aggravation of his twisted and non-sense views. Sometimes when I read his blog I just want to pretend we are not related.

I have not been working, so I have enabled Tom to spend all of his free time on this. My Tom is ADD so I have been keeping track of the location of his wallet, and keys. I pay all the bills, I beg him to please bring me a load of laundry down to wash, and I am convinced that were it not for my involvement, that he would leave the house and go to work, with two unmatched shoes and not give a shit one way or the other.

I just bought him a new pair of shoes with the child-like Velcro straps (that I hate) which he insists on. Tom continued to wear this other pair of shoes that had holes in them because he says he likes them. I of course exercised my spousal privilege and threw them away. He cried like a girl about it. He actually said “Fine, I’m going to throw something away that you like to wear” Yah right! He doesn’t have the balls. I dare him to do it.

The only thing he has to do is put gas in his car and go to work for 40 hours a week. I have allowed this life style because I was laid off, but I am going back to work and Tom will have to become an adult.

Tom’s life is going to change dramatically. He will have to not only take the trash out to the garage, but also put a new bag in the can. He will have to match his own shoes and keep track of his own keys. He will even have to cook dinner as he will often get home before me. He will even have to take the initiative to put down his laptop long enough to take a shower, as I will not be here to prod him.

The truth is that Tom is a wonderful person, and he always steps-up just like he will when I start working. I have always known that I can depend on Tom to be there when I need him. He loves me more than anyone ever has, and it brings him to tears to see me disappointed in him.

It is also true that he is the funniest person I have ever seen when he gets mad. I am looking forward to the show.

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Tom Nardone is My Husband | He is Also ADHD

Guest Writer Yvonne Nardone

yvonne-nardoneTom is the kindest smartest and funniest person I have ever met. Although we constantly disagree we seldom fight. Tom is my Best friend and husband and I’m proud to call him that.[Continue Reading]

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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