Tom & Yvonne Nardone Take Orlando



My wife and I went to Orlando Florida this past week. I was not real wild at the idea of going anywhere that was not my man-cave or my living room. I am on record with my feelings on ever leaving the house. I still cannot believe we went this far away from home. I have lots of anxiety about being far from home and my chair; even when we go out for an hour or two.

We had made and paid for our reservations so our departure was eminent. I thought there was a glimmer of hope when Yvonne told me it would be overcast and rainy all next week in Orlando. I was actually euphoric for a moment and thought, “WOW we may be going to Orlando, but at least we don’t have to do anything!”

Later when I came home I found a bag on the kitchen table containing two ponchos. Yes, apparently my wife is hell-bent on doing shit while we are in Orlando. She was so committed that she was willing to do it in the rain if need be. I have got to admire her tenacity.

The morning before we left, things almost got gangster between us. spidertom--OrlandoShe was showing me you-tube videos of the rides at Universal Studios. There are a lot of rides there. The videos were of the insane people who have dared to ride on these machines designed to scare the shit out of their customers. I have no interest in shitting in my pants unless I am at work and trying to think of a reason to leave early. I told Yvonne I would not be riding them.

She then points out the fact that a bunch of kids are shown on the ride having a great time and laughing. “Sorry Yvonne, those kids are not yet smart enough to realize the risk they are taking. They are also with their parents and when kids are with their parents, there is an implied safety they feel. The demeanor of those kids is by no means based on their research or knowledge of the world.” It could simply be that their parents are without the benefit of brains.


Tom & Yvonne

The Car trip was quite exciting. Yvonne and I are not used to paying tolls. We don’t travel on toll roads ever and Florida has toll roads. We went into the line at the toll booth, and I think the lady said,”$3.00 please”.  I handed her my debit card, but this was, of course, not good enough. Apparently the toll booth industry is a cash-only business. She gave us a card and asked us to please mail them a payment within a few days. (HAHA Yeah Okay). The next toll booth we went to the wrong booth it was the exact change booth, and there was no attendant. We sat there for a moment looking at each other, and then simply drove off. I have to say, for us, this felt like a real Bonnie and Clyde moment.


Garbage Gardens

Arriving in Orlando

Finally, we arrived at our hotel. Our accommodations at “Garbage Gardens” were not bad. I mean a hotel in Orlando for fifty bucks a night is not easy to find, but I am glad we did. The toilet did not flush so I came up with the great plan of filling up the garbage can with water from the tub and flushing it that way. I don’t recommend you use hot water if you find yourself ever needing to do this; WOW.


Heather & Carter Williams

Day one: at the park we went straight to the Harry Potter ride called “Diagon Alley”.  I will admit it was impressive but we waited in line for Five Hours. I don’t care how awesome it was, it was not worth five hours of my life that I will never get back. However Yvonne and I met a lovely lady named Heather Williams, and her son Carter. We laughed and joked and told stories. They were completely awesome. They both gave us the ins and outs of the park. Their tips helped Yvonne and I avoid a lot of rookie mistakes.

Day two: was completely awesome. We did nothing but sit in the room all day and watch house of cards on Netflix. Our asses were whipped from the twelve hour visit the day before.

Day three: was crazy. Yvonne had been trying to get me to go on these insane roller coasters and I refused over and over. However, I got an impulse and decided to ride “The Hulk”. This is an ass-twisting, shit-extracting, white knuckle thrill ride of a roller coaster. There was NO line so I said, “Okay Yvonne, let’s do it.” We went right up to the entrance and entered the ride. It lasted about forty-five seconds. When we got off the ride, Yvonne was nearly catatonic. I was fine. But Yvonne was not interested riding any more insane rides; which was fine with me.

We spent the last two days at the ADDA Conference. That story will be on my other blog. We were in Orlando for five nights and we did not eat out every night. We went to the grocery store but we forgot to buy forks or spoons. I think the sight of me eating potato salad out of the container with my fingers was a little more than Yvonne was ready to witness. God bless her.

The ride home was fun. Yvonne and I talked and laughed for almost the whole eight hours. I think in some ways this was the best part of the trip. Yvonne is funny and a great conversationalist. I love her more than I love sitting on my ass.

Seeing my house as we pulled in was wonderful. Upon entering my home I saw the greatest thing of all. My chair was waiting patiently for me. I could almost hear it begging for my ass to plant itself firmly in its bosom. Life is good.

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.


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18 Responses to Tom & Yvonne Nardone Take Orlando

  1. ksbeth says:

    i love yvonne. love the ponchos and the rides and no plasticware. maybe next time you could have your chair sent ahead for you? and i most love your great car ride. maybe next vacation you could just drive around in the car together? not really going anywhere but just a circle back home to your chair?

  2. mollytopia says:

    Hahaha – sounds like a very eventful time. Potato salad with fingers totally deserves a photo. Please. Glad you had fun and you’re back in your chair : )

  3. xtrememom says:

    Thank you once again, Tom Nardone for making me snort out my coffee. I love your adventures and I love Yvonne. You had me at Garbage Gardens!!

    • Tom Nardone says:

      Thanks Gina it was really a great trip. Yvonne is learning the dooby brothers on her ukelele. So it is hard to consentrate on this comment

      • Danielle says:

        Yvonne plays uke? That’s so cool! I’m learning to play and it’s interesting with chords being high that are low on like everything else. Good luck concentrating on MY comment lol 🙂

  4. “…I could almost hear it begging for my ass to plant itself firmly in its bosom…”
    Poetry. Sheer poetry.

  5. you so remind me of my husband.. and he is an ADDie 🙂

  6. Great to hear You had some wonderful time out of the house with Yvonne.
    Waiting 5!!! hours inna row???OMG!I raise my hat to you.
    here the potato salad in a bowl has so much sauce in it and is so wet, you could have slurped it out of the bowl.
    Love your article. Made my laugh once again!:-)

  7. pat chambers says:

    Correct me..,am i to understand that Orlando took presidence over Knoxville? For shame! Lol. Glad you and your chair are reunited. Glad you enjoyed the trip.

  8. Danielle says:

    I finally learned not to drink carrot juice while reading your blog. I’m pretty sure the saline rinse I used to extract it last time just pushed all the pulpy stuff up into the smallest cavities and I swear it’s still there, trapping the saline with it. I mean where does an entire bottle (can?) of the stuff even go? At least my monitor wasn’t covered with spots from whatever they use to make the red flavor of Gatorade. That stuff’s still the same color at half strength. I had to switch to blue to get my teeth back to a somewhat neutral color.

    I do hope you keep being awesome and writing about it. They say laughter is the best medicine and so far no sinus infection. They also tell you to pour Coca-Cola in a clogged drain so maybe next time you post, I’ll try using Afrin first and drinking Coke while I read, maybe throw a little tobasco sauce in there for kicks and extra giggles. And no not that kind of Coke I much prefer the meth I can get legally because I have ADHD… It’s less risky.

    Seriously though (not that I was joking before) I’m glad you found a way to enjoy your trip. I’m glad you found some cool people in line and the part about House of Cards would’ve had me in tears if my tear ducts weren’t blocked by carrot pulp. My husband started watching some weird show on Netflix a while back with these evil manipulative people and I’m still not sure when it takes place but I was hooked faster than you can say “Coke.” Eventually I asked what it was called. Yeah you guessed it. I’m really not sure who is more evil and manipulative, what’s-his-name or his wife. I just know they’re both awesome and a whole day just watching that sounds like a perfect vacation day to me!

    Did your house magically clean itself while you were gone? I’m always hoping mine does but so far, it just seems worse instead of better. I’m wondering if anyone else’s house cleans itself while they’re gone. I think they should for vacations.

    Did the exact change toll lane have the baskets you toss coins in? We have something called EZ-Pass here because it’s so expensive to get onto real land it’s easier to just stick something on your windshield and try not to think about the money it’s siphoning from your income… I kind of miss those basket things. Well, literally. And in some places there were attendants and they’d get pretty irritated if you got out of your car to look for your quarter. You were supposed to just sit and wait while people behind you honked. So I switched to dimes. The wind carries them much farther from the basket. It was a lot of fun missing the basket one dime at a time. If you ever have the chance to play with an attendant in this manner, I highly recommend it. They seem to enjoy this game almost as much as the people cheering me on honking their horns! It’s great fun.

    I’m very much looking forward to reading about the AD– um that thing you went to. Of course I look forward to all your posts I just don’t comment too much because I was obviously born to write novels! Whatever you have to say about that thing you went to should be interesting and no one has a sense of humor quite like yours!

    Oh yeah I don’t know what it’s supposed to say next to those checkboxes below so of course I checked them both. There’s no text next to them on my screen. I hope they do something cool like housecleaning!

    • Tom Nardone says:

      Well then don’t drink any carrot juice tonight as I have another post coming out on By the way Danielle are we friends on facebook if we arent we should be. If we are then send me a nasty message and get me straightened out please my dear.

      • Danielle says:

        Looking forward to your post 🙂

        Ugh the WP app may have posted twice or not at all. We aren’t friends on FB and I agree we should be. FB is giving me crap about sending friend requests to people I “don’t know.” Not my fault a mutual friend suggested a bunch of people and they don’t recognize me. It’s easiest if you go to my FB URL and friend me… I managed to keep this account invisible for a long time and haven’t figured out exactly what I did and undo ALL of it yet. Here’s the URL:

        Oh that’s mobile this should be regular:

        Let me know if you can’t send me a request and how to find you… I can laugh at how many times FB asks if I’m sure I want to friend you and let me know I should just follow people unless I know them if I want to keep my account lol.

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