Getting hired is a skill those of us with ADHD need to possess. As ADHD people we can sometimes find ourselves being shit-canned from jobs. I know some of you may be offended by this idea, but believe it or not many of the traits we exhibit can have a negative impact on our employer’s perception of us and the job we do. We carry this failure into the next interview, while doubting our own ability, and end up not getting hired.
Getting hired is not a contest, but a form of art. It is a game. It is a dance. Getting hired is something I have accomplished over twenty times in a single year. It sure as hell was not because I was the most qualified person for the job twenty times. It is because I am a fan of the art, I understand the game, and there are few better at the dance than I.
Yes, my methods for getting hired are tried and tested. They are also underhanded, unorthodox, and border on dishonest. You can therefore know, I am willing to help you all in spite of how it may reflect upon me. The public admission of this deceit I will take upon myself, and I will gladly bear it for the sake of my readers, and why; you might ask? Well many of you already know, but to those of you reading me for the first time, it is because I love you people. Let’s first understand what the point of a job interview is by dispelling a big myth about it in regard to getting hired.
“A job interview is a search for the most qualified candidate.”
BULLSHIT! For many jobs the decision seldom comes down to who is the most qualified. It comes down to who they liked or who they most wanted to work with. Nobody wants to work with an asshole. People want to work with fun people they like. Being a job qualified asshole will not result in you getting hired nearly as much as an under qualified likable person. Here are some ways to become this person.
Getting Hired through Personality Mirroring
When entering your interviewer’s office, look for pictures on their wall or desk that might tell you about them personally. This does not always present itself but when it does, you can find common ground immediately. If you do not see pictures to establish this, there is a great way to fake it. This is what I like to call “Personality Mirroring” for instance; in your interviewer’s office, you see them in a picture hugging Charlton Heston at an NRA rally. Well guess what your position on gun ownership is today? Hell yes it is! Today, you are a pistol-packing, nation-defending, proud, redneck, assault-rifle-firing son of a bitch, and you are not ashamed of it.
If you are interviewing with this person you stare at this picture until they speak to you and no matter what they say, your response is, “Thank you for continuing the work of our forefathers, and I am humbled this morning to be considered worthy of employment by an American such as yourself.” It never hurts to try to add tears for extra sentimental effect. Some of you may think this is a form of ass kissing. Well of course you think that, but that is only because it’s true.
Getting Hired and Damage Control
I won’t say getting hired is always easy. Getting hired can be quite a challenge. During your interview sometimes things do not go so smoothly. In the event the interview begins to head south, you must immediately take control of the interview, and here is how you do this.
One thing that is true about any conversation is this. The person who asks questions, is the person controlling the conversation. Ask questions about the job and appear excited at the answers. This is telling them you are INTERESTED. People don’t ask questions unless they give a shit. If they begin a line of questioning you feel the answer will be unfavorable, you throw out a question.
For instance, your interviewer says, “Where did you attend colleg…” Cut him off now! And say, “Hey! I see you have a Habitat for Humanity certificate on the wall there. I am so excited at the opportunity to work with those who care so much about the underprivileged of this world. Sir, my mother lives in such a home, and on her behalf I would like to thank you from rescuing here from the crack infested squalor she once knew as home. Sir, if I may say so you are a hero.” Again, tears at this stage are huge, if you can swing them.
Nervous about getting hired? Be up front about it.
So you are nervous. Use this to your advantage. It can work for you. Tell them in the beginning that you are nervous. This will put them in a position of superiority. They will typically make attempts to comfort you and calm you down. They will tell you it is alright. You can even say, “My so-called friends told me not to come to this interview this morning because there is no way this company would hire me” You can thank them at the end for making this such an enjoyable process. Let me tell you why this can absolutely work. This will give your interviewer an opportunity to be the underdog, and guess who loves the underdog. everybody loves the underdog; even assholes.
Getting Hired, Be Memorable
Employers receive thousands of resumes and applicants so why in the Hell would they pick yours? I will tell you why. Blatant Arrogance; that is why. When I was hired at the Home Depot I brought a resume and it was printed on orange paper. In the employment section it had Home Depot listed my employer from the date of the interview to present. This made my resume stand out above of everyone else’s. There are plenty of things I could have done. The day before your interview you could tape your resume to a Pizza box and deliver a pizza at lunch time to your perspective employers. Imagine how interested they would be to talk to you about it the next day. They would never forget you and they would damn sure like you.
The bottom line is it’s about getting hired period. If you are unable or unwilling to go to these lengths, you can always be yourself and be honest, but I don’t see how this is going to enable you to get the upper-hand unless you are truly found qualified and impressive by the interviewer.
Maybe to you, there are more important things to go than getting hired. Perhaps you feel you are above the act of kissing some ones ass to get to where you would like to be in life. Perhaps you are under the delusion that you will not be controlled by the circumstance you are in by lowering yourself as a human being. Maybe you value your pride above getting hired. Well I find it sad you feel this way and I would submit to you that you just don’t get it.
In all of these scenarios one thing is certain. You are in charge. You are the one creating the drama, the excitement, the smoke and the mirrors that can and will ultimately alter the decisions of others. You are the one orchestrating all of this and everything your perspective employer does is a result of you changing the scenery to make them do what you wanted them to do.
Getting hired is more than just an art. It is a fun way to see what you are made of, and what you are willing to do. Don’t feel limited to be yourself. Be the Pied Piper of the interviewing world.
Enjoy the full story on my Podcast.
Getting hired and fired with Tom Nardone
I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.
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