Teenagers! Respect the Code
There is a code that exists between parents and teenagers who are sixteen and older. With little kids it is easy because they don’t know shit. They don’t even know that they don’t know shit. You tell them there is an Easter bunny or a fat-ass man dressed in red who flies around once a year to deliver gifts and they just buy it. Little kids are not educated enough about the world to think they know how it works. In this regard, they are perhaps smarter than many teenagers. Teenagers think they understand shit. It is so annoying.
The code between parents and teenagers is simply this. “DO…NOT…GET…CAUGHT!!!!” That is right. C’mon moms and dads, we all look forward to the days to come, many years from now when we find out all the things our kids were smart enough to get away with. It will be funny when they are adults. It is not funny when they are teenagers and the police are involved and we have to get off of our asses to go to court or spend money as a result of their bullshit hi-jinks.
Teenagers are not going to listen to us because we are apparently assholes who are unaware the world has changed. It is therefore, put upon them to exercise some planning in the absence of a brain. However, if they do get caught there is an expectation on them to lie to us so we don’t have to feel like morons as well.
My brother Phillip as young boy did perhaps one of the stupidest things I have heard of a person doing to this day. He and a group of his friends got involved in a pick-up game of football. Nothing so silly about that, but this game had a twist. Instead of playing in the yard or in the street, they played on the roof of one of the others kid’s house. YES! They were playing football on a roof. I guess the gutters were the side-lines. During the second or third play of the game Phil caught a pass and accidentally stepped out of bounds which of course means, he fell off the roof. This resulted in him breaking his arm.
Phil did not go home and make our parents feel like failures. Our parents did not have to believe they could raise a child so stupid who would be involved in such a moronic activity. NO! He had the fortitude to leave out all the stupid parts so my mother and father could maintain some reasonable belief they were good parents. I don’t know if my mother ever knew the truth. As far as I know, she may not have heard the truth until she read of it here.
“Phil Nardone, my dear brother, I salute you sir.”
As parents we do not really understand stupid. Our teenagers sometimes act as though they are the current mayors of La-La-Land. I wish instead of wasting their time planning mischief, they would spend their time planning their escape so in the event things do not go as planned they can leave us free to continue living in denial or ignorance. We depend on them not to get caught at the very least. We prefer they live their lives correctly but in the event they decide not to do so. We need to be protected.
It is harder in this electronic age to get away with things and to that I say tough shit. They can just adapt and use their brains. They think they are smarter than we are so they can prove it. When our teenagers get caught doing foolish things, we are forced into a position where we have to act. We don’t want to act we want our kids to be safe and we want to maintain the belief that we have made the right decisions in bringing them up in the world, but when they get caught, it is like a big giant slap in the face that says FAILURE!!!!
Teenagers mistakes are not parents failure
Being ADHD, I think things are my fault when they are not. We are not failures just because our kids make mistakes. I have learned this is not true and I have to thank several people in my adhdpeople group for helping me fully understand this. You can do everything right by your kids their whole lives, but when they see their shit-eating friends doing things and getting away with it, they will question your teachings. I have told my son many times if you have shitty friends, you will become a shitty person and you will end up in shitty situations. He finds himself in such a circumstance currently, but saying, I told you so, just doesn’t seem to be enough.
My son and I will get past our little problem. After yelling at him my voice is now horse. We sat down and talked it out. He is aware if what he has done and I want to help him if I can. It is not going to be an easy road to travel, and it is all on him to fix it. The biggest thing I have learned about parenthood is there is no finish line. Even though he is nineteen years old I am still his father and I love him. I want to help him if I can.
I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome
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