Bullshitting yourself Bullshit 102 (BS102) Part II

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Bullshitting yourself is what gets things done

Welcome back class, to bullshit 102 “Bullshitting Yourself”. Thank you to those of you who have completed (BS101) This particular method of bullshit is one I discovered a while back and it is the method I use when I must get things done. I have found this effective and I thought I would make this one part of the curriculum. 

 To thine own self, be true? Bullshit!

Yesterday I was off work and I woke up to a cluttered den and living room. There was mail piled all over the table, unread magazines, laundry baskets, and the kitchen was a complete disaster area. Every horizontal surface had been taken over by piles of shit no one wanted to deal with. For two weeks I had been hoping someone would care more than I did and take care of this. No one did and the mess just continued to get worse

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Bullshitter

I got up before my wife did and made coffee. Yvonne woke up shortly after me and we spent two hours talking and drinking coffee before she left to go to work for the day. I was so hoping she would not ask me to do anything along the lines of straitening up the house before she walked out of the door. She said, “Have a good day sweetie” and the door closed behind her without a single instruction. Ahhhh yes. She left without a word. My perfect day of sitting on my ass was now a real possibility. This could be the day of Tom.

After she left I was sitting in the den and I was looking around the room. The clutter was really bothering me. It was making me not want to be in the den or living room. I knew the task would not be quick or easy so I decided the  bullshitting yourself method was the only way anything would be done. I had to lie to myself because the idea of cleaning the house without being told to made little sense to me. I had managed to live with it for a while, but I could no longer hold out. Something must be done today. There was no way around it. I would have to fight this bullshit with bullshit.

This is how the art of bullshitting yourself works. I told myself I would take only a small part of the task and I would do only this one thing. I also decided I would only spend ten minutes doing it. To further convince myself I was not going to waste my day doing a bunch of pointless work, I thought if I just got things started and made a showing, perhaps someone else will finish that which I did not.

I got up and started straightening up the table of mail. Two and a half hours later the whole downstairs was immaculately cleaned. This works every time I try it. I believe the distance my ass must travel from my chair to the kitchen is far greater than the distance it travels while I am running all over the house getting it cleaned up. The idea of doing all these things is the toughest part. Once I get in there, it isn’t so bad. Bullshitting myself never fails.

Honesty may be the best policy and all that crap, but it is no way to get your shit picked up off the floor.

Also never forget the bullshitting of others is bullshit, but your bullshit is awesome.

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome

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9 Responses to Bullshitting yourself Bullshit 102 (BS102) Part II

  1. ksbeth says:

    i love this strategy. the double secret outsmart yourself bs approach. who can mess with success ?

  2. I didn’t start succeeding in school until I started using this trick. I had to say to myself “Self, Art History is important…TO YOU” before I could manage getting a decent grade in all the B.S. classes they make you take. Before using this trick anything that wasn’t interesting to me was a painful gpa reducing experience.

  3. bossymoksie says:

    Usually people use bullshit to get OUT of doing work! smh

  4. TIA says:

    If I were Yvonne, I would have just urged you to clean the house….but it sounds like it may have not gotten done in that manner huh?? Nice work Tom. 🙂

  5. Pingback: Bullshitting yourself Bullshit 102 (BS102) Part II | TOM's TEST PAGE

  6. Morfy says:

    Did this earlier. Got more done than I had intended, too.

    Can’t sleep now though. But we aren’t home where the clutter is mine! Or more to the point, where some of the clutter is mine but the kids caused most of it and why is there a my little pony in my bed.

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