Commitment: I Beg You All, Love Yourself Enough to Avoid This

The Commitment Coefficient

tom-nardone-couchI do not like making commitments to other people. I do not appreciate being put in a position to where other people depend on me. Chances are if you ask me to do something, it is most likely something I do not want to do. If I were to give you a commitment, well then I have now added pressure to the task.

In the commitment, we have two things: 1. a task, and 2. an expectation of a result.

figure A.

The task plus the expectation, together form a synergy. That is to say, The whole thing has now become a bigger hassle than it needs to be. Because when the commitment coefficient is introduced, this menial task becomes a perfect pain in the ass. Never discount the commitment coefficient. (see fig.A)

This is a problem for ADHD people, but certainly not limited to them alone. Many of us seem to have trouble in this area. I am talking about not following through with commitments. I want you all to understand something. This is a problem YOU create for yourself. This is when you say you are going to do something and then you don’t do it. This causes a multitude of problems. People don’t like you, they don’t trust you, they stop believing you and then you may lose them as friends.

If you find yourself among those with this problem, then I want to help you. Now, if you are new here, you might think I am going to outline ways for you to be a better person or teach you some exercises that will help you finish the things you start or better manage your time. No no no. I am going to help you by teaching you to avoid the root of the trouble. Believe me when I say you will be glorious on the field of battle if you will just avoid the source of the trouble. You need only avoid the commitment. A wise man once said:

“Choice shall flourish in the absence of commitment.”  TomNardone

tom-nardone-hand-missing

One of the most difficult things for a human being to receive is a commitment from Tom Nardone. Don’t get me wrong. I do commit to do things I want to do. However, when it comes to favors or tasks with time-frames for things other people have need of, I would not hold your breath. I will not commit. I may be completely of a mind to help you or attend your function or whatever it is you are currently trying to get me involved with in an attempt to complicate my life, but you cannot have a commitment.

As I said, I want to help you. I am going to give you some ways to avoid commitment. I have a small arsenal of things I say to other people to prevent them from putting themselves in a position to disappoint themselves. They are not all profound or noteworthy but I have found victory in the words I will now share. I have three scenarios for three different types of commitments for examples.

The Honey-Do

(PIA)“Hey Tom, sweetie could you go online and get the income tax return taken care of today while I am at work?”

(TOM) “Darling, I can’t see any reason why this will not happen. As a matter of fact I might just have a surprise for you when you get home!

This is good because the mention of the surprise is injecting positivity into the conversation and gives the requestor hope that there bidding may well be done. Whether or not you intend to do it or not isn’t relevant. The point is you are not committed. I will say when my wife does ask me to do things, I legitimately try to do it to keep the peace.

The Party

(PIA) ”Hey Tom, we are having a party at my house inTom-nardone-party-commitment a couple of weeks, would you and Yvonne like to come over.”

(TOM) Well that is wonderful of you to ask me, and thank you for do so. I will get with Yvonne and see what is going on and what her schedule is. Thank you so much. It is very thoughtful of you.

This one I call the gratitude sandwich. Start and end with a heartfelt thank you and you inject the splinter of doubt in the middle. Doing this gives you two things. It gives you a possible out, but more importantly it gives you time to craft your lie. This is one of the most effecticve ways to forgo a commitment.

tom-nardone-drunk-commitment

The Pesky Job

Some of you might have a job who might ask a commitment of you when you least expect it, such as on your day off. This one is way simpler than you might think. It goes like this.

(PIA) “Hey Tom this is (PIA) from work what are you doing man?”

(TOM)”Shots”

Very simple; you are doing shots. What does this mean? It means game over, you win. Your boss would never ask you to come in drunk, but you stay in character and in you stupidest loving drunk’s voice tell your boss you love him and you would do anything in the world for him. He will of course tell you to never mind and enjoy the rest of your day off.

I know it is bullshit but there are people who feel they have a right to allow their needs to complicate your life. This does not make them bad people. We still love them. I think in this circumstance we should do all we can to spare their feelings, because anyone worth loving is worth lying to. No one loses if everyone is happy.

Please understand, I am not advocating for you to be a selfish bastard who helps no one. I am not saying do not do anything. I am saying do not commit to do anything if you do not have to. Sometimes you cannot avoid it. When this happens and you have committed yourself, you must do the nasty. You must be miserable. You must be committed. This is what must be done if you want to keep yourself out of the asshole column of life. You just have to follow through. I don’t make the rules I just have learned how to skirt some of them.

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.

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Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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24 Responses to Commitment: I Beg You All, Love Yourself Enough to Avoid This

  1. ksbeth says:

    i love these responses to questions of commitment. friendly, yet naturally off-putting and leaves the door open for you to opt out. perfect. maybe you should have an advice column like dear abby?

    • I have considered it Beth. It seems so over-done. Perhaps i can come up with a unique way to do it. I thought about calling it,”Tom, Get me out of this mess!”

      • Ali says:

        If Tom had an advice column, it would be called something like “Dude, I’m actually IMPRESSED by the mess you’ve made, why would I try to help you clean it up?! Keep bein’ AWESOME!”

  2. you are truly my stud. and i am in complete agreement with beth. you should be the next dear abbytom! effin straight!

  3. I see many uses for “the splinter of doubt” in my future. You are wise beyond your years, Tom Nardone.

  4. TIA says:

    I’m definately going to try the “I’m doing shots”statement the next time someone asks me to come in extra on a day off! Love it;)

  5. Tom – this is great, and also important.
    I learned long ago never to make a promise, that’s a rule. if the answer is ‘yes’, then i say “I’ll try.”

  6. ADHD John says:

    Great post, sir!

    I have also noticed there is a direct link between how many times I get reminded about said commitment and the” how much I actually want to do it” dropping. Yes, I have ADHD and I am forgetful but please do not take it upon yourself to remind me a million times BEFORE the deadline! This only reminds me that you think I am broken somehow and/or incompetent. It gets to the point where I will purposefully not do it just to spite you.

  7. Pingback: Beliefs, Where Do They Come From? — ADD Tip o the Day 487 | ADDadultstrategies

  8. Jade Reyner says:

    Had me laughing as ever Tom. Only you could come up with a synergy that creates a co-efficient of commitment. Fab stuff! 🙂

  9. This one totally speaks to me. I always commit to things and then later on ask myself what the hell I was thinking. In particular, I really like the shots approach. I think I’ll give that one a whirl next time I am called for a subbing job at the elementary school. Ha ha.

  10. bossymoksie says:

    I usually tell my job that I am out of town, or will be. But I’ll have to try the shots excuse!
    I use the same excuse for a party I don’t want to go to, that I have to check with (insert pretty much anyone) before I can ‘commit’.
    I’ll have to try out the ‘injection of honey’ to favors. I usually just flat out say no, and then point out how busy I am or how much BS this favor is!

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