Frosty, the snowman has been a part of Christmas for a long time. What in the Hell are we trying to teach our kids exactly? This must sound strange to some of you, but many of you failed to see the flaws in Rudolph until they were brought to light by me, and in the end my insightful observations, were proven to be sound. Let’s examine why Frosty, and his snow covered ass are damaging to your child.
In the opening of the story, a magician while attempting to entertain a bunch of snotty nosed kids, was having a tough time getting his tricks to work. Later his rabbit ran off with his hat. As he was chasing after it he made a dive for it and it flew away and landed on the head of a snow man. This caused Frosty to come to life immediately. The first words out of his mouth were “Happy Birthday”. I don’t know what in the shit that means, but anyway, the magician still wanted his hat and the kids told him he could not have it.
Frosty was only interested in protecting his own ass allows these kids to steal the hat from the magician. He tells the kids he needs to go to the the North Pole to prevent himself from melting. He successfully cons these eight year old kids into taking him to the train station. Oh and this man of snow had know problem being naked in front them all either.
Now…here is where I question parents letting their kids watch this special. You see, in this country, or any civilized country, when you see a naked man walking down the street with his pipe out, corn cob or otherwise, singing with a bunch of eight year old kids behind him, we would not think to smile at him. No, we would think to kill him. The people of the town, including the cop who almost arrested him only for not observing a red light, did not see this as a problem. He almost gave him a ticket for walking through an intersection, but singing while naked with pipe in hand at times, well that is just fine.
When they cannot afford the $3000 train ticket, Frosty is complicit in allowing these kids to help him sneak aboard the train. They broke into a refrigerated car and boarded it. Frosty did not even consider the fact he was contributing to their delinquency. One girl went with him and he didn’t even care that the refrigerated car might cause this child to get hypothermia. He did not give a shit about anyone; he was concerned only for his own frozen white ass, and in preventing it from melting.
The magician was still hot on their trail, and finally found Frosty and the young kidnapped girl hiding in a green house. While they were in the greenhouse, the magician heroically slammed the door, and Frosty’s ass melted along with the rest of him, and there was nothing left but a puddle of water and the magician’s property. When the magician attempted to claim his hat, guess who showed up to drill him right in the ass? That is correct, the biggest asshole of them all. Santa Clause.
If Santa is not beating Rudolph’s self-esteem into the ground he is standing up for a kidnapping peder-ass that corrupts children into breaking the law for the purpose his own well-being. Santa then uses the power of his title to bully this man into leaving without the hat he traveled so far to recover. Santa tells him he must not only leave the hat with them, but he must write, “I am sorry for what I did to Frosty” a 100 million times. That is bullshit. How in the Hell can he expect to accomplish this. He left quickly to hurry up and get started on his punishment. He then completes his evil intervention by doing a most despicable act in reviving Frosty.
So we have a naked man kidnapping children who is most likely a peder-ass, stealing property and breaking and entering with children he has conned into a self-serving partnership. We then have Santa deciding to punish the man who thwarted Frosty’s reign of terror with the kidnapped eight year old. Santa then caps all of this off by threatening the magician by withholding his toys. Nice Santa, real nice.
I believe if I lived in this town I would have seen this, and taken frosty to some part of town inside a warm building. I would sing Christmas carols to him as I looked into his coal eyes. I would do this as I watched him melt. After he was gone, I would bottle him up in gallon size jugs of water and take them to my home. I would save this water until after eating a big hearty Christmas dinner, I would use those jugs to fill the tank of my toilet. I would then use his remains to flush the toilet, thereby sending him where he could spend eternity with pieces of shit, such he was. Shame on you frosty. Shame on you.
I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome. Oh, and have a Merry Christmas
I would like to thank my new friend Niki, for the inspiration for writing this story. she just made her first post and you can read it here.
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- Frosty the Snowman (1969) (glotzloeffel.wordpress.com)
- When is Frosty the Snowman on TV 2013? (wonderfultips.wordpress.com)
- Frosty The Snowman Missing; Last Seen Arguing With Heat Miser (deadcitizensrightssociety.wordpress.com)