This is Tom Nardone…Live from My Hospital Room


I am Tom Nardone. For those of you who have not heard I am in the hospital. When I went into work yesterday, I was feeling very nauseous and full as if I had just eaten. While at work, I had to dash into the janitor’s closet. I thought I would vomit but luckily, it was only the dry heaves. I have not thrown up since the sixth grade, and I am rather proud of this run.

I left work to go to the doctor. After speaking to the doctor, he ordered X-rays. It was a half-hour2013-12-02 15.17.55 later and to my surprise, he came back into my room with an explanation. The Doctor said I had an intestinal blockage, and it should be dealt with as soon as possible.

I asked him to call Yvonne to have her pick me up and drive me to the hospital. I always have Yvonne involved when it comes to any medical situations. She considers herself a medical professional even though she got her degree from the University of Google.

The main reason I wanted Yvonne to pick me up, and drive me to the Hospital, was because it all sounded like a terrible inconvenience to me. I was not interested in dealing with the hospital personnel, or answering questions when I got there. I also did not want to have to write down directions or figure out where I was supposed to go.

IMG_0604[1]It was an hour later and still no Yvonne. The doctor’s office is literally a quarter of a mile from our house. The doctor called again to the house and ten minutes later Brett shows up as my wheelman. Yvonne or the doctor misspoke or misheard each other because Yvonne ended up at the hospital, sitting in the room I would soon occupy.

Brett knew exactly where to go and he took me to the front door where we were met by Yvonne. When I got there, it was as if the entire nursing staff had been waiting for my arrival. We went to room 220 and I stripped down and put on my robe with the open back. I hate this robe Yvonne won’t let me wear any underwear because she wants me to be ready, just in case they come back and decide to do the enema.

After a CT Scan it was determined that my problem was the result of inflammation of the small intestine. So congratulations to all of my bastard followers and readers who said I was full of shit. You were all correct.

Tom Nardone’s Best friend, Jason Bennett

2013-12-03 13.37.06

I have to tell you though this is day two and I am really starting to get a little bit annoyed. The excitement of my first hospital visit has worn off. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to go home where my Xbox and the rest of my toys are. I am not hungry right now but I find myself wanting to eat just because I can’t eat. I was also very pleased that my best friend Jason Bennett came by to see me.

I am going to be OK. It looks as if everything is fine. I appreciate all the smart-ass comments from my Facebook friends and friends of my site. You all have made my stay here easier through your comments and your attention. I love every one of you and it was awesome to wake up to your comments this morning. I will keep you posted on the I am Tom Nardone FB page.



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57 Responses to This is Tom Nardone…Live from My Hospital Room

  1. Jade Reyner says:

    Ha ha Tom, thanks for the ‘Special Report’! Have been thinking about you – glad that your humour is still intact.. even if your insides leave a lot to be desired! Hope you feel better soon! 😀

  2. Dr. Rex says:

    Sending you bright sunshine from Florida …. and healing energy!! Feel better soon!! 🙂

  3. We love you Big brother! Feel better soon. We can’t wait to see you guys soon!

    • Thanks for asking Linda I have not as of yet taken a shit. I have not eaten in two days. I am going to eat tonight and then hopefully later on release an anaconda size turd into the wild. Hopefully this is descriptive enough for you. HAHHA thanks lady 🙂

  4. Sorry to hear you’re laid up in the hospital. I too am neurotic about puking, haven’t had that problem since I was sixteen and tried to impress my friends by downing six shots of tequila (impressed them with my stupidity instead). Hopefully the nurses go gentle with your nether regions…

  5. portholio says:

    good luck big guy!

  6. Rob says:

    I’m not sure which made my bowels hurt more…. the thought of you with a crap block, or the picture of you and Jason sharing a hospital bed, only days after sharing a couch at work….. wait, I know… nope… never mind… that was just a little gas… get well quickly.

  7. Ned's Blog says:

    Shit, man.
    I’m glad you’re going to be ok.
    Butt still, Holy crap…

  8. Margie says:

    It was just Thanksgiving, so be thankful that they’ve figured out other ways to get an accurate temperature reading over the years. Also, I wish that I could say that I haven’t puked since age 10. Just two weeks ago I thought Tequila, Jameson, and Bloody Marys were a great combination. 2 hours later I found myself in the bathroom whining that “I’m too old for this shit.” Everyone else around me concurred that I am, apparently, not!

    =/ your story is worse than mine. I’m glad it was caught early on!

  9. ksbeth says:

    i have been glued to cnn 24/7 so that i don’t miss a moment of tomnardone hospital event coverage. ps – who cooked thanksgiving dinner? get better soon tomnardone.

    • Beth I am great and they think it was some virus no blame to anyone. HAHAHA i am glad you are so attuned to my well-being lady. Thank You so much and I love it every time i see your name reach my comment Que

  10. Nadine says:

    Eek, Tom! You know how to keep life interesting. Do us all a favor and don’t ask for pictures for your Christmas cards of that CT scan, ok? Sending hugs and hoping for relief for you soonest.

  11. Carri says:

    When I saw what you were in the hospital for, my 1st thoughtwas ” isn’t that what happens to dogs wh they eat underwear or socks?” Hope you’re feeling better soon , and back to your shitty self

  12. Gray Dawster says:

    I see that you are effectively wearing the ‘Show Da Ass’ range in medical techno-wear; yes this star attraction was first introduced for patients unwittingly sporting their assholes in public corridors and trainee doctor’s tutorials, of course the experience is heightened after inserting the eight inch diameter translucent extraction pipe, don’t worry this procedure can be seen in diagram 69, figure 22, paragraph 8 of the DIY crease and show beginners guide pamphlet.
    In addition to not having an attractive nurse to help with the finer details of concealment of a deadly weapon, one is left to their own devices, typically resulting in a flashing of the testicles if they are not secured properly.

    Don’t be surprised to feel a sudden wanting of greediness as it is a common trait for patients wishing to gorge on chocolate coated pancakes whilst agonisingly raising the ass for the doctors little helper, but don’t let loose with any gross flatulence at this stage as blowing it out of the ass, or kissing the nurses cheek as it is usually referred to is not a wise move, especially when she is holding your equipment with one hand and guiding the tube with the other. Put it this way, there is no room for any errors when the doctor shouts pull and there are no second chances, so beware.

    Get well soon Tom and watch out for the Marigolds, diagram 17,
    paragraph 7 as I am sure that the finger is not inserted there 🙁 lmao


    • I will try to keep all of this in mind Andro, my friend as i hope none of it becomes relevant. Thank you for your expert advice as always.

      • Gray Dawster says:

        I am sure that you will be out of hospital in a flash, well hopefully without revealing too much and as excellent health is restored it will be a jovial return to blogging 🙂 I am definitely looking forward to your return my great friend 🙂


        • As am I and one other thing Andro, As some one who posts video i wonder if you missed my two part blog post of which the first part was an argument between Yvonne an me and the second half was my first video post

          • Gray Dawster says:

            Yes I did miss it, I will zip over there next and take a look 🙂 Actually it sounds rather awesome, well it has to be with you two wicked and wonderful peeps starring in it 🙂 Have a really good night Tom, sleep well and hurry on home, there are blogs to write and fun to be had in the build up to Santa Clause and his Reindeers of Crimbo time 🙂


  13. “The main reason I wanted Yvonne to pick me up and drive me to the Hospital was because it all sounded like a terrible inconvenience to me. I was not interested in dealing with the hospital personnel, or answering questions when I got there. I also did not want to have to write down directions or figure out where I was supposed to go.”

    You are a wise, wise man, Tom Nardone.

    On a serious note, I hope you have a speedy recovery, although if your experience with hospitals is anything like mine, it should prove a gold mine for blog material.

  14. TIA says:

    Lol! Is it too late to ask for the mesh panties? Those would be worth your while…I just know it! I hope you empty out soon my friend! 🙂

  15. At first I was in a panic. Glad it was only momentary for both of us. Must say, your hospital gear should be taken home with you, I think you could do regular home modeling in it the wife would be chasing you down hallways for pieces of you.

    Glad you are okay.

  16. Gray Dawster says:

    🙂 🙂 Love the caption on this one Tom 🙂 🙂


  17. Gray Dawster says:

    An ACME Dynamite Plunger
    Up Thine Ass Could Be Useful…


  18. Hilarious man! Great outfit! Hope you’re feeling better!

  19. bossymoksie says:

    Glad you are feeling better.
    I love the cartoon re-enactment of you and Yvonne!

  20. CubicleViews says:

    How’d I miss this? Glad you’re feeling better and your bowels are flowing again properly.

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