My son, Brett is 18 now and while he is becoming a fine young man there is one thing I seem to be having trouble making him understand; locking the damn door. I told him I could give a damn about his car, but my house must be locked. I am ADD and I forget many things. I don’t ever forget to lock up my house.
The differences between his car and my house are many. My house contains all of my toys, that I enjoy playing with in me free time. These things I have slaved for: the TV I stare at for hours while I play my Xbox, The Xbox that makes having a TV worth having, The computers that hold all my pictures, music, and videos, and my laptop that I use to entertain the people I love, and the people who love me. His car contains things he is too lazy to throw into a garbage can.
I suppose there was a time when I was poor and had nothing. I did not bother locking my doors, when I left. I figured “Hey if anybody breaks in than the joke is on them and hell if they drop anything while they are there than I am ahead of the game.” I had nothing. If a burglar dropped a pot while they were in my house, I would come home and say “Hey all right, something to piss in”
I have mentioned this to other people, and was shocked to hear, how many people do not lock their doors. My first thought was that these people must have brain damage, because one thing all of them seemed to have in common, was a pride in telling me that they do not lock the doors on their house. I thought some more and I was able to come up with two reasons for this.
As I mentioned a moment ago. You simply do not have anything worth stealing. I guess I can understand the mentality of that. The second reason is that you live in a fictitious town called Mayberry, North Carolina, and Andy Taylor is in the office of the High Sherriff.
I suppose you don’t have anything to worry about in a town like Mayberry. I spect you wouldn’t have narry a thang to worry ‘bout. People come over to the house, and they don’t even knock. Cause they cant knock. They are opening the door with one hand, and in the other, they’s holding a sweet tator pie. You and yours will be having some of this pie, with some of Aunt Bee’s homemade Ice cream, while you sat on the porch. You talk a spell ‘bout fishin and farmin, and huntin. Maybe you’d even do a little gossipin about the new family that moved into town last week. After the pie is all gone, Andy will grab his guitar and pick on it just a little and you would all do a little sangin until it gets dark. ‘Bout that time you will say bye, walk home and enter your unmolested house that you will find, is just as you had left it. Immediately after you walk into your home, your alarm goes off and it is time to get your ass out of the bed because your have to go to work this morning. You don’t have any more time to sleep or dream that you live in la la land.
You don’t live in Mayberry, NC. There is no Andy, Barney, Floyd, or Gomer, so lock up your shit
I have one other thing to say about a small group of people who, while having the sense to lock up their stuff, are unclear about why they are locking it up. These people are so stupid that I just want to hug them and tell them that the world loves them and that everything is going to be all right. You have heard them say this. “Locks are to keep honest people honest” Yah, I know, go ahead and I will wait while you read that one more time. I don’t know the name of the person who said that, I only know they were an asshole.
A person is honest because they choose to be so. A lock might prevent a lazy or stupid person from doing something dishonest, but it does not make or keep them honest.
You, I, and all the other reasonably smart people in the world are thinking of only one type of people when we lock up our house, car, shed, or garage. and It aint honest people. If I were asked, “Gee Tom, How come you are locking your house?” my reply would be “to prevent the undesirables of this world from putting their filthy shit-hooks on my stuff.”
I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.
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