The Wolves Are At the Gate!!

by Tom Nardone

by Tom Nardone

My son, Brett is 18 now and while he is becoming a fine young man there is one thing I seem to be having trouble making him understand; locking the damn door. I told him I could give a damn about his car, but my house must be locked. I am ADD and I forget many things. I don’t ever forget to lock up my house.

The differences between his car and my house are many. My house contains all of my toys, that I enjoy playing with in me free time. These things I have slaved for: the TV I stare at for hours while I play my Xbox, The Xbox that makes having a TV worth having, The computers that hold all my pictures, music, and videos, and my laptop that I use to entertain the people I love, and the people who love me. His car contains things he is too lazy to throw into a garbage can.

I suppose there was a time when I was poor and had nothing. I did not bother locking my doors, when I left. I figured “Hey if anybody breaks in than the joke is on them and hell if they drop anything while they are there than I am ahead of the game.” I had nothing. If a burglar dropped a pot while they were in my house, I would come home and say “Hey all right, something to piss in”

I have mentioned this to other people, and was shocked to hear, how many people do not lock their doors. My first thought was that these people must have brain damage, because one thing all of them seemed to have in common, was a pride in telling me that they do not lock the doors on their house. I thought some more and I was able to come up with two reasons for this.

As I mentioned a moment ago. You simply do not have anything worth stealing. I guess I can understand the mentality of that. The second reason is that you live in a fictitious town called Mayberry, North Carolina, and Andy Taylor is in the office of the High Sherriff.

I suppose you don’t have anything to worry about in a town like Mayberry. I spect you ANDY& BARNEYwouldn’t have narry a thang to worry ‘bout. People come over to the house, and they don’t even knock. Cause they cant knock. They are opening the door with one hand, and in the other, they’s holding a sweet tator pie. You and yours will be having some of this pie, with some of Aunt Bee’s homemade Ice cream, while you sat on the porch. You talk a spell ‘bout fishin and farmin, and huntin. Maybe you’d even do a little gossipin about the new family that moved into town last week. After the pie is all gone, Andy will grab his guitar and pick on it just a little and you would all do a little sangin until it gets dark. ‘Bout that time you will say bye, walk home and enter your unmolested house that you will find, is just as you had left it. Immediately after you walk into your home, your alarm goes off and it is time to get your ass out of the bed because your have to go to work this morning. You don’t have any more time to sleep or dream that you live in la la land.

You don’t live in Mayberry, NC. There is no Andy, Barney, Floyd, or Gomer, so lock up your shit

I have one other thing to say about a small group of people who, while having the sense to lock up their stuff, are unclear about why they are locking it up. These people are so stupid that I just want to hug them and tell them that the world loves them and that everything is going to be all right. You have heard them say this. “Locks are to keep honest people honest” Yah, I know, go ahead and I will wait while you read that one more time. I don’t know the name of the person who said that, I only know they were an asshole.

A person is honest because they choose to be so. A lock might prevent a lazy or stupid person from doing something dishonest, but it does not make or keep them honest.

You, I, and all the other reasonably smart people in the world are thinking of only one type of people when we lock up our house, car, shed, or garage. and It aint honest people. If I were asked, “Gee Tom, How come you are locking your house?” my reply would be “to prevent the undesirables of this world from putting their filthy shit-hooks on my stuff.”

I am Tom Nardone and you are welcome.

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Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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19 Responses to The Wolves Are At the Gate!!

  1. Funny thang ya done wrote there Tommy boy, ya all got any that sweet apple pie knockin about ya let me know a’rite.

    Yeah just generally lock up ya shit, and if your in the house lock your self in, simple as that.

  2. ksbeth says:

    i once had my old apartment robbed, the intruder took my laundry quarters, my jewels (not valuable to anyone other than myself, included a clay zebra head), a lacy black thong, and dish soap. no electronics or otherwise sellable items were stolen.

    when the police came, they said, ‘did he trash the place or what?!’ actually, it’s how i had left it, so i didn’t even notice i had been robbed for a while. also did not take my checkbook because it was under a pile of unfolded laundry, per my filing system. i am all for door-locking.

  3. I agree totally…I am not giving the losers of the world a chance to take my shit. Period.

  4. I am with you on this one Tom. I don’t know who in my house is more into locking the house, me or him but we both go around and lock doors. We even have locks on inside doors and lock them, when we are inside. Weird? If anyone were to rob me, I would hunt them down…

  5. tanstaafl28 says:

    It must be nice to live in a fictional place where everyone leaves their doors unlocked and the cops don’t even load their guns. I don’t live there, and I’ve known some people who will steal totally useless shit just because some dumbfuck left it out.

  6. Gray Dawster says:

    As always you speak the truth Tom Nardone and have a fantastic way of doing so, indeed those shitty thieves with sticky fingers make me puke, they doss around the place just itching to grab someone’s hard earned cash or rifle all of their toys away like they have a right to them 🙁 You are right about the honest folks, they wouldn’t touch anything that didn’t belong to them and the guy or whoever said different is an Asshole for sure, we agree on that my great friend.

    I just hope that your son realises that living is not easy come by, it takes years of hard slog to make it and once the house is locked up that it should stay that way, I guess when he leaves the nest these fine principles will soon hit home and then he too will follow your good example 🙂

    Have fun on your Xbox Tom, I play PS3 and Zombie Island Riptide is
    calling, it is nearly time to kick ass and sod the chewing gum 🙂 lmao


    • Tom Nardone says:

      Het thanks Andro. i thought of you when i made the photo for this post. You could be playing the greatest game ever SKYRIM

      • Gray Dawster says:

        That is one game that I have never played but I will certainly look into it 🙂 At the moment I am awaiting the release of Grand Theft Auto 5, I don’t know if it has already been out in the USA I guess that it will have but I am really looking forward to it,

        I have enjoyed playing all of these games and the Grand Theft Auto 4 I have finished many times, but I still get a kick out of beating it over the head with a club or blast away with my trusty shotgun 🙂 They are all fantastic games 🙂


        • Tom Nardone says:

          If you even start playing skyrim you will never stop. It is like a game designed around your blog

          • Gray Dawster says:

            It sounds great Tom and I will let you know what
            I think after doing some research on the game 🙂
            Thank you for offering me this title to seek out, if
            I do end up with a copy then I will most certainly
            be playing it for hours 🙂 I like to win…


          • Gray Dawster says:

            I have been researching this game Tom and you are right it looks rather awesome, and as it is by the mighty Bethesda of Fallout 3 and New Vegas fame it just has to be worth picking one up and experiencing it first hand 🙂

            Thank you for steering me in the right direction my great friend and do have a superb start to your Tuesday. Give my best wishes to Yvonne and have fun today, the both of you I mean 🙂


          • Tom Nardone says:

            Hey Andro,

            Have you played Skyrim Yet. I usually kill zombies on call of duty, but right now i am playing splinter cell blacklist. This is a great game too.

  7. TIA says:

    I always wonder if robbers would be up for suggestions if they happen to get in! There are many things I wouldn’t mind seeing gone when I get home. What if I just put signs on things that say and this?….Also, I wonder if tape will stay stuck to the dogs:)

  8. Ya think if I left the door unlocked somebody would leave me somethin’ good??

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