I Am Tom Nardone Presents: “DAY-CEPTION”

doctortom

by Tom Nardone

I owe the title for this article to my son Brett A. Fuller. I promised him a credit in this post. So, promise kept.

I feel that I have stumbled across an amazing discovery. Like many discoveries, It was discovered completely by accident. The research division of “I am Tom Nardone”, have unanimously decided, to share this with you. We sincerely hope you can benefit from this and your feedback will be carefully scrutinized by our analysts, should you be compelled to share it.

I recently was scheduled off three days in a row. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it is a wonderful thing. Yesterday I got up at 7:00am, and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. I began writing. I finished and posted an article, and then spent some time with my wife watching TV in the den. Sometime around noon, she was feeling like a nap and so was I. I went upstairs, and took a four hour nap. I got up again this time at 4:00pm and went to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. This felt like the beginning of a new day. Just like that, My new discovery was born. From the mind of Tom Nardone, Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present ”Day-Secting”? I did the very same thing on Tuesday, and here is what I would like to report.

This is my discovery; “Day-secting” – the day within a day.

I was off Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I “Day-sected” Monday, and Tuesday. I cut the second and third days into two small days or mini days. This brought the total days from Three to five.

This was amazing! When I finally went back to work, I really felt as if I had been off for five days. During my three days off, I kept thinking that I was supposed to be at work. I actually checked the calendar on my laptop to make sure that I was not missing it.  I figured that when I got back it would catch up to me and balance out, but it didn’t. I clocked in and it felt like I had been on vacation. When I got home that afternoon, I still could not get it out of my mind. I sat and pondered at what I had done.

I determined that I had discovered something extraordinary. I could not decide though whether I discovered a method of solving the “two days off a week is not enough” dilemma. OR had I just taken self-bullshitting to the next level, or perhaps turned it into an art form. I am in a quandary as to which one, but they both sound like something that I can be proud of.

While I will stand by this research, I do not plan to take it any further. After the success Day-secting two consecutive days, I had planned another test; I was going to schedule a vacation for myself, and commit to this program for seven straight days. I was going to Day-sect each day of my entire vacation.

I am reasonably sure that it would have felt like a two week vacation. I decided that this would put undue pressure on my family who depends on me for things. Another way to say this is that my wife has put the kibosh on it. “SO, OK EVERYBODY GET YOUR PARADE OUT SO YVONNE CAN RAIN ON IT!” I still maintain that this is an amazing discovery.

My wife Yvonne, on the other hand, is not nearly as impressed with this as I am. During the second day of “Day-secting”, she was leaving to go to the grocery store, as she left she said “I will be back in an hour and a half; I will need some help getting the groceries in.” I explained to her that Brett would help her to that because I was involved in an important experiment, and that my research would require me to go back to sleep for four hours. She said “oh God Tom, Day-secting?” I said “Yes dear, Day-secting.” she said “I love you Tom, but this is the stupidest thing you have ever done. You’re an idiot” and with that she left.

When she recently found out that this discovery was actually going to make it to my blog, she advised me not to do it. She said “Tom, Honey listen, This whole thing….. is just bullshit. Are you sure you are not going to embarrass yourself sweety?”

(Long Pause)

Me: “Darling, have you EVER read my blog?”

I continued and said to her in a tender tone of voice as if to eliminate her fears, “Yvonne, let me assure you that if it were possible for me to embarrass myself, I would have absolutely done it by now. Let me tell you why I am never going to be embarrassed. I AM TOM NARDONE, and I am a global phenomenon. People love and appreciate me, because of my Awesomeness. There are people all over the world, in countries I have never even heard of who go to my site. You call Day-secting a bunch of bullshit, well these people have hunger for my bullshit. Some of them have told me that they all sit down to the dinner table and have a big giant family dinner and guess what the main course is? Yep, that is correct The bullshit of Tom Nardone. I could read some comments to you, but do you really need me to?”

Yvonne: Ughhhhhhhh

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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27 Responses to I Am Tom Nardone Presents: “DAY-CEPTION”

  1. jadereyner says:

    I was going to comment but I am sulking at the lack of acknowledgement of my last comment…..You are not awesome to me at the moment Tom Nardone – power to Yvonne!!

  2. cfavreau says:

    Brilliant discovery!! You can tell Yvonne I said so!

  3. Bahahahaha….you are like the smartest man ever. I think. I just don’t have time to sleep twice in one day, though god knows I want to. I really really want to.

  4. portholio says:

    Hey tom nardone! You are clearly a genius. I am the daughter of beth from “i didn’t have my glasses on” and am now spreading the word of your awesomeness in australia.

    • Well, I am delighted to know this.

      Your Mom is one of my top 5 favorite fans. She reads everything I write and she comments on them. I so enjoy the back and forth between her and I.

      I really do appreciate you reading my blog and I make a point to respond to every comment I get. I am thrilled to know you are promoting me in Australia.

      I do not currently have one so I shall award you with title.

      RISE PORTHOLIO Australian Embassador for

      I AM TOM NARDONE

      I know you will not disappoint.

      • portholio says:

        Thank you for this great honor TomNardone. I will not disappoint you.

        • portholio says:

          Also, in case things get out of hand with mom’s visit, as an ambassador I have diplomatic immunity, right?

          • Portholio,

            I cannot even believe you would ask me such a thing. What would be the point of being a diplomat for my site, if their were no diplomatic immunity.

            Let me tell you what this entails. If you and your mother are in a disagreement, my support is yours. I mean if a site is not going to support his ambassadors well that site is simply not awesome. I think we all know that my site is awesome.

            You and your mother have a disagreement. you need only send a message. and the full resources of this organization are at your disposal.

            Now. Portholio, I feel that I have clearly outlined what we here at I am Tom Nardone are prepared to provide you with. My question is what are we getting for this service.

            As this is a responsibility you have accepted. I wonder what is in the works. How will you Wield the Tom Nardone Thunder, in the Land down under?

            I hope I am not over-stepping to make such an inquiry.

          • ksbeth says:

            Tomnardone I do believe that my offspring is referring to possible international incidents such as an arrest for things that may come up like: indecent exposure, crossing road while looking the wrong way, unintentionally offending the locals by using American slang such as, fanny pack and rooting, which have dangerous and lewd meanings here. am I covered as the mother of your ambassador as well? Not that any of these things have occurred, just in case, and the charges were just trumped up anyway.

          • Well I really haven’t thought that far ahead Beth. Now that I think about it. Ohhhhhhh wait a minute. Portholio is really the only ambassador that we have. another way to say that is that she is “All of our Ambassadors”

            Well congratulations Beth, You are the
            “Mother of all Ambassadors”!!!

          • ksbeth says:

            Ps: portfolio (holli) and I get along quite well, very rare we have disputes, more often she is bailing me out of situations ive found myself in. fortunately I have passed on an open mind, ability to pick things up with our toes, and a somewhat twisted sense of humor to her. This is my legacy.

          • I am so glad you are able to visit her. I can tell you. Guys are having fun

            I am still waiting to hear what her plans are.

          • Also FYI 52 hits in Australia this week

          • portholio says:

            Actually tomnardone you are correct again! I was requesting your support in a dispute with my mother but it is such a relief to know that we have immunity in case of an international incident. I’m not saying that anything happenedbut this is very reassuring.

            Also, in light of the low number of Australian hits, i have quit my job at the library.

          • Well that is great. I hate libraries they all smell like feet and ass.

            I would like to know which story is your favorite.

          • portholio says:

            Clearly i have only begun to mine the jewels of TomNardone,but Bumble and your lawn story stand out for me. Also , you are right about the pants. More on this soon….

  5. ksbeth says:

    Well tomnardone now it looks as if you’ve gone and infected my gene pool with your awesome virus. (Portfolio). Also Brett came up,with a great title, so I believe this blog has now gone cross-generational. Six degrees of awesome separation, is Kevin bacon involved in some way? p.s. i think the extended/chopped up/dragged out/mini day concept is brilliant, I would just find myself in a constant state of wonder as far as date and time, but not that far off from how I am presently confused by these details.

  6. I have done this, but did not take it to the next level and thus did not have a name for it. You in your awesomeness did and now all of us who need additional days to rest have the means to do so. Thank you Tom nardone for your commitment.

  7. lesliewolman says:

    Tom, I think you have something with this Day-Secting. I could use a trick like that. I’m more of a night person but force myself to go to bed so I can do the dutiful thing like everyone else and wake up early in the morning. Well, my cat wants me to also. But if I day-sect I can have more time the way I like it. Right? I get it! Brilliant Tom!

  8. bossymoksie says:

    I can’t get on board with this. I tried this quite a few times on my days off, and it only made me more aware of how much LESS time I have to do stuff I like before going back to work.

  9. Dawn Smith says:

    Hell I’ve been day secting and didn’t even know it! I’m so with this idea btw !! Do think our boss would let us work day secting hours?! As always Thanks for the belly laugh! (see ya at work)

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