New Car Wrong Color

The Adventures of: Brody Bricker

VOL. III

New Car Wrong Color


Brody Bricker was one of my best friends growing up. He lived to cause trouble. He would do anything to get a reaction out of someone. He had absolutely no conscience, and the only time I ever saw him smile, was after causing any kind of mayhem. He hated is father and gave all authority figures, nothing but grief.

I have changed his name, the names of his victims, and the names of any businesses that might have suffered at the expense of his entertainment.

These are his stories

Ladies and Gentlemen, Brody Bricker:

One day Brody’s father decided it was time for a new car and he took Brody with him to the dealership. His dad decided on a model that resembled the 80’s Plymouth Horizons. It came in many colors and Brody liked the blue one. He told his dad that the blue one looked the best, and that it was the car he should buy. His dad however, decided on this ugly dark brown car that had some orange eagle painted on both doors, and the hood. The car looked like ass, and this made furious.

He called me at the house when they got back and he told me how stupid his father was, and how embarrassed he would be to even have this car in the driveway. Brody and I had planned for me to spend that weekend at his house. I did this on many weekends in the summer.

The next morning, my dad drove me the 20 miles or so that he lived from us and told me to behave as I got out of the car. I said “Sure Dad.”

The subject of the car came up immediately when his dad saw me and wanted to show it to me. He even told me and brody to get in so I could take a ride in it. He was very proud of this car. Later that night after his parents went to bed, and Brody and I got up and snuck out to do God knows what.

When we got back he said “Hold on Tom, I have to take a leak” He then proceeded to walk up to his Dad’s new car, open the gas cap door, unscrew the cap, and pee into the tank. I could not believe what I was seeing. Brody saw the look of amazement on my face and he began to laugh. He said stop making me laugh, it is affecting my aim. He finished, zipped up, and we went back into his house and went to bed.

The next morning Brody and I woke up and his dad was washing the car. He asked if we wanted to help him wax it. Brody knew I would say yes, so he quickly interrupted and said we are going over to Johnny and Billy’s house we will be back later. So we left. We did not go to Johnny and Billy’s house, but Brody and I stayed gone long enough to make sure his Dad’s car was done being waxed.

As we got back Brody noticed his dad’s car had all the doors open including the hatchback open. He looked at me and said “Come on” Brody went up to his dad’s car, walked around to the rear of it, and began to pee into the open hatchback onto the carpet. I said “Brody he is going to smell that for sure dude. How are you going to explain this?” He assured me he had it under control, and damned if he didn’t.

Brody closed all the doors and windows of the car. We went inside and Brody went right up to his dad and said “Dad, we closed you doors to your car” he said “Why did you do that? I was airing it out to get rid of that new car smell” Brody told him “Well, there was some strange cat that was asleep in it so we got rid of him, and closed the doors so he would not come back” His dad replied ”Oh! Thanks Brody” Brody said “Sure, it was nothing.”

That weekend I don’t think he pissed anywhere but in that car.  He did it several times in the gas tank, and several times in the cab. It didn’t matter what he did for that whole weekend. His dad would assume that the cat pissed in it.

The next morning Brody told me that he would have to cut the grass that day before we did anything. I said fine and brody said he must first take care of something. He went outside and gathered up a bunch of gravel and strategically placed it in the tall grass.

He came back inside and said “Tom come outside and watch me cut the grass” I didn’t care so I went. He kept laughing while he was cutting the grass. I did not know why then. I did figure it out before it happened and I was too afraid to do anything about it. Brody had placed that gravel so that when he ran over it with the lawn mower, the shoot of the mower would be aimed at his dad’s car. The gravel was there as shot.

Brody came around and he was so excited that he could not stand it. I knew he was about to hit it, and I had my back turned, not wanting to see this. I could not resist the show. When I turned I saw his dad. I thought his dad was still inside. I looked at Brody and pointed at his dad whose back was turned, and shook my head saying “No!” Brody, with a smile, nodded his head saying “Yes”. Seconds later Brody with his brand new lawnmower shotgun, that he designed only 30 minutes prior to testing, hit the pile of gravel, and the test was a remarkable success. Brody’s dad had turned into the line of fire just as it began.

Brody’s weapon sprayed a hail storm of gravel at his father and at the car. It lasted longer than I thought it would have. There were scratches and dings all over the car. Brody’s dad was going insane. I didn’t know if he was jumping up and down out of anger, pain, or fear. When the shooting was over, Brody just kept going like he didn’t even notice that it had happened. His dad went running after him and started kicking his ass. Brody fought back as they were exchanging blows in the front yard on this blissful Sunday morning.

Brody’s mom came out and Brody started his fake crying. When his mother saw that she started kicking Brody’s dad’s ass.

Eventually the excitement stopped. Brody and I went to go play on the direction of his mother.

Later that day Brody and I went back to his house. He was full of anticipation at the thought of looking at this car. He wanted to see the damage he had done. When we got to the car he was disappointed. I said what’s the matter Brody isn’t this enough?  He said “Well my dad had to be out here screwing with the car. I was hoping to break a window. His fat-ass took most of the heavy gravel. Shit let’s go inside”

Over the next few months his dad was back and forth with the dealership trying to figure out why the car ran so poorly or sometimes not at all. When it finally got fixed Brody stopped peeing in the gas tank. He just sort of got bored with it all.

I am Tom Nardone , and you are welcome.

Incase you missed I and II click here

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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6 Responses to New Car Wrong Color

  1. jadereyner says:

    A truly delightful character – not. I can offer no other comment.

  2. I think I would have dated Brody. Hell I think I did date him.

  3. Donna says:

    Why did he hate his dad so much?

  4. ksbeth says:

    his dad will have his revenge. karma

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