ADHD | You Will Find What You Look For.

Tom-Nardone-ADHD-monk

There is much written on ADD/ADHD.  They also almost always address ADHD as a problem, and a problem only. I feel by doing this they are scaring and misinforming their readers.

Many of these articles are written by doctors. Doctors are used to treating problems, so I guess it would stand to reason that they should write about ADHD in that context. There are two types of people who write these articles; Doctors and those with ADHD. I think most people feel better reading something written by a doctor, rather than by someone with ADHD. Because if a doctor said it, then it can’t be wrong. Don’t kid yourself. Believe it or not, sometimes doctors are wrong. They are only human, and while doctor written articles can be informative, and important, they are seldom inspiring. So, as long as you are here, allow me to inspire you.

So, your or loved one is messy and leaves their shit lying around all over the place. People like to quote Albert Einstein who said “A messy desk is a sign of a genius.” Well, I never met Albert Einstein myself. He could have been a giant asshole for all I know. While I may me every bit the asshole that Al was, I speak and write in English so listen-up.

 When you see a beautiful mural painted by an artist, you can respond in two ways. You can marvel at its beauty, OR you can bitch about the mess that was made in the process. I suppose if i had a choice to live in a messy world full of art, or a clean world with no art. My vote is for the mess. You would vote for the mess too.

Oh yes ADHD people daydream. So what about daydreaming? Is it necessarily a bad thing all of a sudden for someone to have an active imagination or a creative mind? When is an appropriate time to come up with kickass ideas? There is no appropriate time. Awesomeness does not indulge anyone’s schedule. It calls when it calls. You can answer the call or you can worry about the petty bullshit you are expected to do.

Daydreaming is often mentioned with kids in school. My question is this: Is it a teachers job to teach the class? of course it is. To simply stand up and read the lesson plan each week as you count down the days until you get to spread your ass out on the couch and get paid all summer might be fun, but is is not teaching. Ask your son or daughter to explain to you, everything they learned in school on a particular day. Perhaps they couldn’t tell you anything about it. HA!, Ask them to tell you about a video game they play. See what takes longer. I’m sure some teachers feel better believing that. The truth is that ADHD people have trouble paying attention to things that are not interesting to them.

Yes, children with ADHD blurt out whatever they might be thinking. I would rather know what is on my kid’s mind, rather than wonder. That beats the absolute shit out of trying to pry information from them. Parents of ADHD kids will truly know who their child is as a result of this. While their outbursts might not be appropriate sometimes, they will always be entertaining. Parents do have to police the actions of their kids as they should. Try embracing their words rather than correcting them for not following the regimented guidelines held in high regard by the rest of the herd . You can either NO your child or you can KNOW your child.

So, your loved one is Hyper-Sensitive. I really fail to see a downside to this. Parents with ADHD kids know better than anyone; some kids are mean little bastards. You should get down on your hands and knees and thank God for your child’s “Over-sensitivity” I spent years in school being picked on. My fellow students seemed to enjoy picking on me more than recess. My entire elementary career was an absolute daily hell. I would rather not ever believe that a child of mine was inflicting that same pain on another child. Why chastise their empathy for others? Is the world not currently a shitty enough place for you?

You have a choice. You can decide that you or your loved one has a problem that will complicate their life. You can constantly remind them that they have some handicap that prevents them from being more than they are. You can continue feeling sorry for them, crying for them, or wishing they were not the way they are, thereby reinforcing the stigma that so many others have drilled into their heads there whole life. You can deny them medication because you are worried about what the other asshole parents will think about your parenting skills.

OR

You could have a backbone, and tell your friends, your piers, your family, or anyone else who believes them less than what they are to just go to hell. You can stand up and be a proud and supportive parent, husband, wife, Mom, or Dad. You can realize,  “The Fleas come with the dog”. If you believe them inferior, they will believe it too.  You can realize that you are fortunate to have someone that will never fall into the cookie cutter mentality the world seems to embrace. You can stand up and be proud to be with some one who is not just another rank-and-file Normal Person. Personally the last thing on earth I ever want to be is normal. I would never teach my child to be so.

You will find what you look for. SO DON’T LOOK FOR A TURD!

I think ADHD People are, in many ways, what others are afraid to be. Some normal people don’t want to change out of their pajamas to go to the store, but they do. Some normal people want to tell other people what they think, or how they feel, but they don’t. They sit there quietly worrying about what others might think. They are afraid to be who they are.

Those of us with ADHD will go down our own path. We will eventually get down life’s highway, but we will stop at many exits where we will create moments, and have adventures, but nothing in life is worth doing, if it must be done alone or in the absence of the people we love and care for. So, your loved one has ADHD. I will give you the best advice that anyone could ever give you, and that is quite simply this.

“Enjoy the ride.”

I am Tom Nardone and You Are Welcome.

tomboy

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Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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23 Responses to ADHD | You Will Find What You Look For.

  1. I loved this and thank you very much for writing it. I have several friends who are ADD, they are funny, creative, pains in my ass. I love them exactly the way they are. Wouldn’t have them any other way.

    • Thank you Val.

      It was a pleasure to write this. It is one of the best things I have written. On my other site it has been my most widely read article. I am an administrator for the Attention Deficit Disorder page on facebook. This article has made a difference in peoples live and for that I could not be more pleased. I didn’t know what ADD was until my boss who was firing me at the time explained it to me.(while he was firing me)

      I am currently writing a book about my life and my struggles, and victories with this. I am still not sure if i want to write a whole book. I have finished the first two chapters and mentally it has been more painful than I imagined. Rehashing all that shit is not easy. If it helps even one person it will be worth it to me.

      Again though i really appreciate your taking time to read this. I really had a tough day. today is my fathers Birthday he would have been 55 today. I needed to hear something positive thanks for being there

      • I am sorry Tom. I know what it is to miss someone who is no longer with us. I miss my Mom and Dad nearly every day. I find it helps me to remember how fabulous they were, even on days like this, on days when I miss them most.

      • Marie says:

        It is very painful to reflect on losses, but your book will definitely help many peoole. I hope you will persevere.

  2. Joe Smith says:

    Tom, this is bad ass! I love these posts. It casts the light in a different direction for a change. Well done dude!

  3. athenahm says:

    Dude. 1) Great note. Going to share when my internet is moving at least as fast as dial-up. 2)Solidarity in grief, my friend. It doesn’t have to have been yesterday to hurt quite a lot.

  4. Pingback: ADD | You Will Find What You Look For. | add-adhd-info

  5. ksbeth says:

    i could not agree more. love the swearing too, gives it a stronger feel )

    p.s. one of my daughter’s boyfriends was taking a psych class in college. when i saw him on the weekend he said to my daughter, ‘hey heidi, we were talking about add in class and immediately all i could think about was that was what you and your mom both have!” he’s probably right, and i took it as a compliment, i’ve always just called myself an ‘extreme multi-tasker-focuser’. so i guess she and i are, emtf’s!

  6. Amanda says:

    I love that you use the word normal using quotes around it. We don’t call people without ADHD normal. We refer to them as “neuro-typical” people. I have ADD and I have an 11 year old with ADHD and Asperger’s. I love your blog; I, too, was relentlessly harassed in school for being “dumb” and “weird”. I hated every minute of it, but the good thing that has come out of it is that I’ve taught my 3 children how to NEVER, EVER treat anyone. EVER.

    • Wow Amanda, Thanks for that! I have told my step son that if I ever heard of him tormenting another student at school that would wish that i had never met him. I told him that bad grades or behavior problems would be dealt with but if I found out that he was making fun of another kid I would show him what it felt like until he no longer felt good enough about himself to make fun of others. Brett is not that kid though. He finds himself while being fairly popular at school, befriending the lesser liked kids because he also has no interest in being friends with an asshole.

  7. Pingback: ADD | You Will Find What You Look For. | We Are ADD

  8. Pingback: I am Tom Nardone, I Went to School, My ADD Was Untreated. | I AM TOM NARDONE

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