Tom’s Endless Summer 2013


Tom’s Endless Summer 2013

There seemed to be a lot of interest in my post on Facebook last night of my wife’s honey-do list that could potentially destroy what was already going to be a crappy summer for  reasons I have mentioned in past articles. For those of you who did not see the email message, I have included it below. My wife sent this to me, and told me to check my email. As she left to go to bed for the night. All she said as was, “We will talk about it in the morning” I checked my email and this is what I found. How about we  go through it line by line.

The Email:


I have adopted your life style and the house is crumbling around us. If we work as a team we can do this please help me.   

Your loving wife

1.       Paint the deck and fence ( yes take a close look)
2.       Clean behind the house burn yard trash
3.       Take old swimming pool to the dump
4.       Repair the bathroom ceiling
5.       Repair moldings I will paint
6.       Clean up and repair your Honda
7.       Take a truck load to goodwill
8.       Clean garage
9.       Mulch around house
10.   Clean your rooms I will clean your carpet and paint

 Paint the deck and fence (yes take a close look) 

“My wife and I painted the deck and fence a few years ago. She painted the

small deck outside and I painted the entire fence. There are some places where the paint is coming off on both and I will concede that another coat would not hurt. However, this job obviously will have to take place outside. That is where all of the bugs, bees, spiders, snakes, and the sun are. I want to wait to dothis until they all go back to sleep in the fall”



“As I recall it was very little effort painting the fence. You bought and industrial sprayer and just spent about 3 hrs. I spent over 3 weeks taping rolling removing pickets. Yes Tom, you’re a rock star. Yes we can wait till fall if we get a pressure washer and clean everything first house included. This will keep away the bugs and creatures from killing you.”

Clean behind the house burn yard trash


“OK, this is stupid. The trash that she speaks of is behind the fence. It is not


our property, and I see no reason why we should trespass to try and make our house look better. I will admit, that I have in the past, and still occasionally do, throw trash back there, but it has been going on for 7 years. I don’t even have to tell you what is living in that. Now, all of a sudden,  it is a problem?”



“Don’t worry Indiana Jones. We will go get it so you don’t encounter any snakes, toads, or rabbits that scare you. If we don’t control what is behind us, then it will be on top of us, and you will have a little girl fit every time you have to go out there.”

Take old swimming pool to the dump

“I stored the swimming pool in an enclosed area in the backyard. There is probably a hotel, a bar, and certainly a housing project built by the army of god knows how many spiders and other bugs in there. It has been two years. You can’t even see it unless you go look for it. Why must I be put at risk?”



“You should have taken it to the dump like I told you to in the first place. Find a friend  that’s not a wuss  to help you because it creeps me out now too. Geez, Nut-up will you?”

 Repair the bathroom ceiling


“Six years ago the upstairs toilet was leaking. I fixed it immediately. There wasdamage done to the bathroom ceiling down stairs. I fixed that too. Yes it took two years but I did eventually got the drywall replaced. I don’t know what more I can do in there. As far as I am concerned, I am a hero in that regard.”



“Tom is gifted and can do amazing things, but none of it is completed yet. There is still a hole in the wall of the bathroom closet where you repaired the leaky tub faucet, and the ceiling down stairs looks like it was repaired by a caveman.”

Repair moldings I will paint


This will happen. I have no problem with that”


“This will happen” =”When I get a chance, someday, I will get to it probably tomorrow. “

Clean up and repair your Honda


“WOW!! OK this car does run. It runs good. We don’t drive it. The purpose of this car is to stay parked in the driveway so if some degenerate meth-head is roaming our neighborhood, he will see the car, figure somebody is home, and then find some otherOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA


house to rob. What she is talking about is 5 years ago while I was upstairs playing my Xbox, Yvonne and Brett were doing a mother and son activity of cleaning the garage. They thought it would be funny to jam me up by loading up my car with a bunch of junk so I would have to take it to the goodwill. HA! I showed them. I drove around with that junk in my car for 2 years until we got the truck, and it is still in there.”


“Yah He showed us. I don’t know why I thought that jamming a bunch of junk into the car of a person who is comfortable in such squalor, would get any other response.”

Take a truck load to goodwill


“She has more stuff for goodwill? Why can’t we just take it to the dump or just throw it over the fence in the back of the house?”



“How charitable of you Tom. You won’t let me buy you a single stitch of clothing that doesn’t come from Goodwill. Come on, Does you ADD also make you an asshole now? And over the fence? really? Are you trying to be on the cover of hoarders weekly?”

Clean garage




“You’re an idiot.”

Mulch around house


“There is so much mulch in our backyard, that I think that the ground could catch fire. I will bet you could dig down three feet before you hit the earth. The last two times she ordered mulch, the truck dumped a load that was bigger than my truck. The only one who goes in the back yard anyway is our dog Barney, and I don’t give a damn if thinks that the ground he pees on is well landscaped or not.”


“Tom geez. Why don’t you out and get a price on getting our entire property covered in asphalt. Do you have a brain?”


Clean your rooms I will clean your carpet and paint

“No Problem, I have been cleaning my room for 8 years.”


“OH GOD!!!!!, That is my favorite song on the “Tom’s Greatest hits Album”


I love you Tom. I am not worried about any this. You will do it for me. I know you love me, and so you always do it eventually, besides if you don’t do it you won’t be able to spend countless hours writing about it. HA!

Help me. I can only spread so much bullshit by myself.
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11 Responses to Tom’s Endless Summer 2013

  1. jadereyner says:

    We have similar conversations in our house! Thanks for the mention under Related Articles – really appreciate it. Will follow your ongoing adventures. Good luck with the list! 🙂

    • OH YES!!
      I think to allow such events to happen without proper documentation would be just a waste. I dont about that like my wife does.The articles will ultimately be my main motivation for doing them.

      I am thrilled to know that you will be with us.

      Welcome to the machine.

  2. Joe Smith says:

    This totally cracked me up! I think Yvonne might be the perfect wife for you Tom!

  3. I laughed all the way through this, sometimes with tears streaming down my face.

    Nut Up? I loved this one, I thought only I said things like this to my other half.

    How can men not see these things, immediately do them and then stand proudly waiting for us to pat them on the rear in a congratulatory manner. One would think Tom you would be running about asking for more and longer lists so you could prove your undying devotion rather than whining about snakes, spiders and other icky things.

    Or is it you simply want to write first and then do? Oh, I get that. I will await your writing about the terrible time you have doing and the wonderful time and rewards after you successfully complete.

    • My wife laughed so hard at what you said i had to wait for her to calm down before i could finish reading you reply

      Hey Valentine. What you read really did take place. I am and always was going to do everything on the list. This was the normal playful banter that my wife and I are forever doing. She just roles her eyes because she knows all she has to do is say “OK tom I am going out to do it my self” She knows I would rather die than see any harm come to her so i will go running outside right after her.
      I am sure once we begin on this stuff i will have a good time spending it with her and re-establishing myself as a hero in her eyes.(not that there is ever a doubt)
      I have decided that once this begins that i will be doing a series of blogs on the project list as they get finished
      I am sure i will remember to send you the links to them if you would like.
      I am excited that we met lady.

  4. Ali says:

    Ok some how I missed this one. So where is the update as this looks to be back in April and it is Almost October. Cliff has a list too.

  5. Congratulations Tom! You FINISHED NOTHING!

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