Two Weeks Notice? HELL NO!

Two Weeks Notice ? HELL NO!! 


Tom-nardone-two-weeks-notice-1-free-clipartWe have all heard of the two weeks notice. There is an idea in this country that when you decide to leave a job, “The right thing to do” is to notify your current employer with a two weeks notice in advance. Of course we all understand that you are vital to your company’s future. If you were you to leave suddenly, things would be difficult for them. How difficult would they be? Imagine…. if you were to leave your job.Tom-nardone-two-weeks-notice-2-free-clipart

Do this for me. Close your eyes…wait, wait, wait. Don’t close your eyes. I forgot you were reading. Just ask yourself which of the following two scenarios sound the most reasonable, and be honest, I would ask that you take this seriously.

Dissatisfied with your current job, you have finally found another one. They needed you to start immediately. Realizing that you cannot give a two weeks notice, you enter your current boss’s office and tell him you are leaving.

Upon your letting your employer know you are leaving, a chaotic whirlwind, capable of ripping your companies heart and soul begins. It takes over and aims to destroy the very spirit of their core values. Black clouds roll in with no regard for the tears being shed by every member of the board of directors. This ungodly terror rips in, and pierces the very walls of the cooperate fat cat’s’ over-furnished, cigar smelling offices. They tremble  in the wake of a colossal Shit-storm.  No amount of money, no attorney, and no sacrifice; blood or otherwise, can appease the cooperate gods or satisfy their hunger. Everyone (except you) will go swirling down a financial vortex of whatever might be left of what was once a mighty corporate powerhouse.

Inevitably, this company, in the span of 24 hours, has perished. Hopes are gone. Dreams are lost. A staple in our economy is dead.

Tom-nardone-two-weeks-notice-3-free-clipart

but don’t you worry. You’re gonna be OK.

You could have prevented this, yes you could have saved everyone. You could have circumvented all this suffering. You neglected to do the only thing that could have saved this multi-million dollar corporation, and you withheld it. My my my, you could have given a two weeks notice. I hope you remember this one day on your way to HELL!!!!!

orthe Two weeks notice scenario

You enter your boss’s office and tell him you are leaving, and less than a week later, The company you once believed only floated as a result of your efforts is doing just fine without you.  It would be just as if you were never there. You will be a memory, and nothing more.

Tom-nardone-two-weeks-notice-6-free-clipartI know a lot of you would like to think that option A best describes your situation. Maybe it does, but I don’t believe most of us can make that claim.

Leaving a two weeks notice is all well and good for them. Doing that does not seem to serve me in any way, and of course in the end, it is all about me, and it’s all about you.

I have quit a lot of jobs. Some jobs I have left two weeks notice and some I have not. If I am not needed right away I am happy to leave a two weeks notice. If I am needed right away, then my current employer can go hump a stump.

I have also been fired from a lot of jobs. I don’t understand why the employees of America are held to a higher standard of ethics than that of “Corporate America”. In all the times that I have been fired no one ever came over and said “Hey Tom there is not a problem here today, but two weeks from today,  you can consider yourself shit-canned.”

No. It never did happen that way. It was always one of two ways;

It was either “Hey Tom, listen man, I am sorry to tell you this, but we have not been getting as many orders as we counted on so we just aren’t going to be able to keep you on the payroll. I really am sorry. You did a good job and we will call you if we need you back, but we have to let you go.”or they would just say  “TOM, GET YOUR SHIT, AND GET THE F%#@ OUT OF MY BUILDING! RIGHT NOW YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!!!!”  (true story)

When you get fired you have no income, no insurance, no security, no peace of mind, and no idea what you are going to do. And men, you know this if you weren’t already thinking it. You are not getting laid either. Just forget about that. Your wife is going to do nothing but talk and ask questions every waking moment of every day until you get shit back in order.(apparently that is our duty)

What I am saying is if you can leave a two weeks notice, and you want to leave a two weeks notice, do it. If you don’t want to leave a two weeks notice, than you should feel free to leave them high and dry, the same way, they would leave you, and have left me. If you feel guilty then justify it on my behalf. You look them right in the eye and you say. “I quit damn it and you can consider my departure on equal footing with the middle finger of Tom Nardone, sticking in you face.” Feel free to use me to appease your guilty conscience.

Maybe a compromise is best. Call them on the phone and say ”Hello this is Tom Nardone. I’m calling to leave you my two weeks notice.

Yah, I want you to Notice that even though you keep putting my name on the schedule, I won’t be coming in to work.”

I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome.

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21 Responses to Two Weeks Notice? HELL NO!

  1. athenahm says:

    Dude. I had this waitressing job when I was much younger, and they stuck me on the breakfast buffet shift, where I had about one table a day. Not even kidding. After the 4th day of that, I was outside smoking(Yes, I still smoked back then), since there had not been a table in an hour, and the owner came out and started bitching at me. I did the classic “take your apron off and throw it on the ground” thing. I told her to go fuck herself, she could take care of it her damn self. Most exhilarating moment of my life up to the time I left my ex-husband about 2 years later.

  2. We are held to a higher standard because we can be. It really is that simple. I work for myself, there are days when I want to tell my clients to, “please piss up a rope, you are an idiot.” I don’t though, in my business reputation is everything and word does get around.

  3. Joe Smith says:

    As promised, Tom:
    Section 42 of the Federal Tax Credit code deals with Low Income Housing Tax Credits, or LIHTC for short. Here’s how it works. Greenville has an old school that is a landmark, but it’s closed now. Perfect DNA Developing will ask the city of Greenville if they can buy the building, and have it placed on the Historic Society’s register. The city agrees, and sets the price at 5 million dollars, knowing it will cost another 5 million (building+restoration cost= 10 million) to complete the project. Under section 42, if Perfect DNA Development agrees to use the building for low-income housing, they will receive a 9% tax credit each year for 10 years. Doesn’t sound like much, but then section 42 says that you can sell all 10 years worth of tax credits up front, as long as everyone that lives in those low-income apartments makes less than half of what everyone else in the area does. It MUST be verified that they do.

    To recap: the government will give 9% ($900,000) worth of tax credit for 10 years (a total of $9 million out of the ten needed for the project as long as all the people that move in are at 50% of the area median income.

    With me so far?

    My job was to process every application for every property to make sure every cent was accounted for, and the people moving in were below to 50% mark. Even 1 cent over, and the deal is off, and the developer has to pay all of the money back. I made sure that all of the tenants files were in order, and each year, on the anniversary of the day they moved in, they were re-certified to live in the apartments.

    I made the mistake of pissing off my boss, and she fired me the day we brought my second son home from being born. I was told to turn in my keys, and not to return to the property.
    I returned them as asked, even including a thank you note to my boss for giving me the opportunity to work there.

    Weeks later, when I was cleaning out my car, I realized that I had 4 bankers boxes full of original tenant files in my trunk. They told me not to come back onto the property, and I wasn’t supposed to have the files, so what did I do?

    I burned the motherfuckers. Every page, every verification. One the one year anniversary of getting fired, I called the IRS, and made an anonymous tip that the company didn’t have accurate files on site. An audit was conducted, shit hit the fan, and millions of dollars were lost. Today, of the entire upper management team that was there when I was fired, only the accounting supervisor is there.

    If they will fire you knowing you just had a kid, fuck them.

    • Joe, Oh Joe.

      I feel like I just heard stairway to heaven for the first time. Thank you.

      • Joe Smith says:

        I told ya it would be killer.
        My wife still thinks it’s the most bad ass thing I’ve done since we’ve been together…that’s saying something. I’ve done some serious shit!

        • I dont know anyone else that is given a multi-million dollar F U

          • Joe Smith says:

            I took it personal, because the call to fire me went like this:

            “Hey Joe, It’s Blair. I know you’re home with the baby, but I need you to bring in your keys.”

            Me:”Why?”

            Blair:”While you were out we found some files in your drawer that have been missing.”

            Me:”Blair, you know I don’t even have a key to that drawer. If they were in there, they were in there before I started here.”

            Blair: “Just bring me the fucking keys.”

            Me: “You’ll get what you’re asking for.” .

          • what a bitch. you should have kept the ashes and sent them to her after the audit began

          • Joe Smith says:

            See, that’s why we need to hang out!

  4. Interesting responses here…

    But loved your post! I got retrenched this very week. Of all the people, they chose me to toss out on the street. Sigh. I’m a parent unsupported with a 17yo boy in college.

  5. Got canned from three jobs in a span of four months. Bad point in my life.

    The first was right at 90 days. Wasn’t fitting in well with the company, and had no chemistry with the boss (he seemed to regard me as an annoyance). An hour before quitting time got the dreaded “want to see you in the conference room before you leave today” from the office manager. Being at 90 days I figured they were going to either give me a chance or give me my walking papers. I got the latter. The hard part about this was I traveled 600 miles away from my family to take this job and was working on moving them out when I got fired.

    The second one was really soul crushing. Landed what seemed like a dream job four months after the last – except it really seemed like a dream, because my job function wasn’t clearly defined. I spent more time observing and figuring out what I needed to be doing rather than doing it. Eight days later the dream ended when again I got the “want to see you in the conference room before you leave” message. The thought that lightning couldn’t strike twice couldn’t quite allay the fears of deja vu. So it turned out, lightning did strike again. I was actually in tears on the way home, having to call my wife in another state and tell her that again I failed.

    Two weeks later I took a crappy, low-paying job through a temp agency because I was desperate. This one lasted four days. It was something I wasn’t used to doing and couldn’t quite get the hang of to their satisfaction quick enough (though four days really wasn’t a lot of time). But this time I seemed to reach a point of catharsis. Instead of going suicidal or postal when they called me in the office, I told them that I didn’t think I was cut out for the work, thanked them for the opportunity, and drove home feeling like a weight had been lifted and I was finally centered. Either divine intervention for my peace of mind had taken hold, or my give a damn had busted by that point. Probably a bit of both.

    Epilogue – found another job two weeks later and kept this one for a while. Things got bumpy a couple months in and I thought I was going to get it, but my shift lead went to bat for me and told management that I was a lot smarter and more reliable than most of the guys working under him. That seemed to turn a corner, and I’ve been doing okay since. I don’t think I could thank that shift lead enough.

    • Tom Nardone says:

      Hey Dave, I am glad things did work out for you. My wife was looking for work a while back and she would wait for the phone to ring and freak out when it didn’t. She did not get the job she hoped to but the next week or two after she found a way better gig. There will always be another job. I am sure glad things worked out for you. It truly is amazing how someone going to bat for you can make such a tremendous difference in your performance.

      Dave I am thankful that you stopped by and took time to read my story. I really do appreciate it.

  6. Are they completely out of their mind? You’ll be missed.

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