Yesterday, at work, I had to use the public restrooms as I always do when nature calls. As I was entering, the janitor was leaving, so I had a clean fresh smelling bathroom all to myself. This doesn’t happen too often. It was as if all the previous days filth had been eliminated just for my own personal comfort. It was looking like the beginning of a wonderful day.
I don’t ever enjoy using public restrooms, but his time looked to be different. I entered the stall furthest from the door. I smiled to myself as I placed a paper-ass-gasket on the seat. I sat down, and prepared for what I knew would be a very enjoyable experience. But then it happened. My bowel bliss came to halt when someone else entered the bathroom. I hoped his stay would be only a brief moment standing in front of the urinal. I thought, surely this man was not going to undermine, what has so far been, a perfect moment in my life. I could not have been more wrong.
I was in stall number four(See figure A), and this asshole came in, and chose to sit in stall number not one, not two, but stall number three. Yes he decided that we would be neighbors. Who does that? If I walk into any room and I have a choice to sit next to a man shitting or not to sit next to a man shitting, I will always choose the latter. Everybody would, but not this man. He sat down and began what I can only describe as a “Growler”. The smell was like a punch in the face. I thought he had eaten a dead person it was so bad. He of course made all the awful sounds….you get the picture. Then his cell phone rang, and of course, he took the call. This man represents all that we hate about public restrooms.
“No not yet, I just sat down to take a dump”
“OK, OK, OK”
“I love you too honey, bye bye”
Nice dude. There is not a more attractive thing to a woman than to explain to her what you’re doing in the bathroom. Why didn’t you take the time to give her a live play-by-play commentary?
The Public Restrooms, There Are Rules
Here are the rules for public restrooms, in case you are one of these clowns. This applies to urinals as well. If you need further training please click here to be directed to “Urinal Test” at drinknation.com. (Refer to figure A).
- If the public restrooms stalls are empty, you always choose one 1 or 4, that way if someone comes in they will be able to choose a stall that puts two spaces between you, and it ensures that worse case if the bathroom fills up you are only sitting by one person.
- If 1 and 3 are taken you choose 4 that means you can sit by only one person rather than between two people.
- If 1 and 4 are taken it’s a crap shoot.
I am Tom Nardone, and you are welcome
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